On Handicap Parking Spaces

Greetings!

I hope all my lovely readers are enjoying this FRIGID COLD WEATHER! Ugh, I swear Mother Nature is an evil, evil woman. When I'm not at work or doing stuff and or thangs for my resolutions I am in bed with a heat pack. Crippie hates cold weather and cold weather hates Crippie. My joints get really stiff during this time of year, it's hard to move :( which leads me to tonight's topic... handicap parking permits. Prepare for a cripple rant folks!

<rant>
One of my biggest pet peeves ever is when normals park in handicap spaces. It just makes my blood boil. Why? Partly because it's against the law and I am not a fan of law breaking in general. Mainly because it's rude and inconsiderate. Let me tell y'all a little story. At a place where I spend a great deal of time there is a smallish parking lot with one handicap space. I use this space most of the time because I freaking need to. Well... sometimes this parking lot gets a little crowded. What happens when the parking lot gets full? Normals stop caring about decency and laws and park in the handicap spot! I've seen people who I know go on daily hikes and are on volleyball teams parking in the handicap spot! There are places to park near this parking lot where these very active people could park... but no, they don't they take my spot! I actually had to say something to people high up at this place and told them to send a memo for people reminding them that it is illegal and wrong to park in a handicap spot without a sticker. Some people weren't pleased with me, but I don't care. I don't care about how crowded a parking lot gets. I don't care if it's only for a second. I really don't care if you have to walk an extra minute out of your way. You can walk. You'll live. If you are a normal these spots do not belong to you. They belong to people like me. We have earned our blue stickers and we pay a very heavy price for them.

This applies to other special parking spots too. Don't park in the "expecting mothers" spot unless you've got a really uncomfortable pregnant lady in your car. They're carrying an extra 30 pounds of small human, let them have their damn spot.

I'm not being a special snowflake here. I am not taking advantage of a system. I try to park in normal spots when my legs permit. I do park in normal spots when the handicap spots are taken. It's painful to walk sometimes, but I manage. This isn't entitlement. This isn't "oh I'm disabled... give me a good spot". No, being disabled is not just a term, there is baggage that goes with it... pain, restricted mobility, countless insanely valid reasons why I genuinely need to park closer to a building.

Being a dick is not a disability, thus you can park elsewhere!
</rant>

Yeaaaaaaahhh... Crippie gets angry sometimes. So what do y'all think? Am I being too harsh? Not harsh enough? Should I print out business cards to stick on the windshields saying "Being a dick is not a disability"? Share your thoughts, I wanna hear 'em! And yes I do know that cripples abuse the handicap sticker but for the sake of today's argument I'm just talking about normals parking in the spots without a permit.

Crippie's Tippie - Before you get mad at a car/driver, check their license plate to make sure they don't have a handicap plate. I know too many people who have bitched out cripples because they didn't see the plates.

Its For Me To Know And For You To Never Find Out!

Ohai Y'all! HAPPY AUGUST!

Hope you are all having a lovely week thus far. The weather sucked today so I was in a lot of pain, apart from that I've been having a dandy week. I'm still chillin' with relatives and I'm still a crazy guinea pig lady. The piggies are continuing their adjustment and there appears to be a new power struggle... Lucy somehow got it into her adorable lil' noggin that SHE is the boss! She has been biting butts left and right. Nellie is not pleased with this, but she hasn't attacked Lucy back. She's kinda like "DID SHE JUST BITE ME IN THE ASS? WTF!" Due to this new behavior Lucy has gained the nickname "Lucyfer". We give very loving nicknames in this house. This sudden asshole-ish turn can be chalked up to one thing, Lucy is a baby. Baby guinea pigs are raging assholes. Maggie used to be a raging asshole (when we first met her she was literally using Aggie as a trampoline) but she has since settled down. Frida was a butt for the longest time, and she grew out of most of her butthole tendencies. What do we do about Lucy going through her "terrible twos"? Simple, when we catch her being a butt we give her a gentle flick to the bum, and if she's being a RAGING asshole she goes into time out (you hold them on their backs, a vulnerable position). Sooner or later she'll learn to behave. In the meantime though, it's extraordinarily humorous to watch.

Moving on cripple topics. I'm gonna tell y'all a story about a lil' incident that happened to me a few weeks ago. I'm omitting a crap ton of details, but y'all can get the gist of it. Ok, so here's what happened. I was in a place with a lot of people that I am sorta familiar with, by that I mean I know their names and while I talk with them I know NOTHING about them or their lives. I had an ace bandage around my wrist because it was hurting me, anywhoo... a lady approaches me. The conversation goes as follows...

Lady - Oh no! What's wrong with your wrist?
Crippie - Oh, it's a long story (My general manner is implying that I do not want to talk about it)
Lady - Oh really? 
Crippie - I hurt my wrist
Lady - Oh? (she doesn't leave me alone, she's looking at me, waiting for me tell her what's wrong)
Crippie - Um... carpal tunnel syndrome
Lady - Does that ace bandage help you? (at this point I am getting annoyed)
Crippie - Yeah, it keeps things in place
Lady - I don't like ace bandages... 

She then continued freaking talking to me about ace bandages being constricting. I'm pretty sure that when she left me alone my face was like 0.o . I bet some of my longtime readers are like "Hold up Crippie, haven't you said on numerous occasions that you are comfortable with telling people why you are disabled?" You would be correct. On the whole I'm pretty comfortable with telling people why I am disabled, people are curious and there is nothing you can do about that. But 1 major thing has changed since I said that... I no longer walk with a cane. It was obvious I was sick before so there was no use trying to hide it. Now that I look fairly "normal" and I like for people to consider me as such. These days when people I do not know ask me about something I say "it's a long story" and leave it at that. Most people understand that I am politely saying "none of your damn business" and they respect my wishes. This lady however, either did not understand and or did not care. She does not need to know how sick I am, so I lied and said I had carpal tunnel syndrome. I'm not sure what pissed me off more, the fact that she was trying to pry into my life like that or that even when she got her "answer" she kept asking about my ace bandage. Hypothetically if I did have carpal tunnel... OF COURSE AN ACE BANDAGE HELPS!!! I don't even have it and I know how painful it is. Why do you see people with carpal tunnel wearing wrist braces? BECAUSE IT HELPS RELIEVE THE PAIN! UGH!

Well... that whole experience was irritating to say the least. I wish I could say it was a lone instance, but alas... I had another woman try to wheedle information out of me before. Look, Crippie understands that you lurv yourself some gossip, but it's none of your damn business. Please, respect my wishes when I don't want to talk about it.

Crippie's Tippie - Somebody doesn't wanna tell you something? Don't force them into telling you. Unless your a cop or something, then by all means force away

HAWMC - Say Whaaaaaaaaat

Howdy Y'all!

Hope y'all enjoyed your weekend. I had a super fun day of driving to new places and being social! Heck yeah! TAKE THAT NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!

Moving on, we've got a fun little HAWMC blog prompt today. Say WHAT!? What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve heard about health or your condition? Where did you hear it and what did you think?

Honestly, I don't remember where I heard most of these things... and instead of telling y'all what I thought I'm gonna use gifs.... cause gifs are awesome. Ok, HERE WE GO!

1) You're a Dwarf (I'm 5 foot 3)

2) You have Cancer and you're gonna die

3) You cannot have children 

As for what do I tell these lovely people back. I usually go for the simple...

Crippie's Tippie - You can't fix stupid so you might as well laugh at it

Try to Remember

That Time in Decemberrrrrrrrrrrrrr (The Fantasticks joke if you were wondering)

Happy December everybody! 

Yup, I totally failed at NHBPM this year. Yesterday's prompt was "Recap NHBPM". Well... I missed the first 10 days due to Hurricane Sandy and my general lack of interwebz. Once the internet returned I did what I could, but I've been super tired recently and I put sleeping above blogging (as it should be). On the bright side I didn't ignite any flamewars and or hate mail... which is a plus. Meh, I'll probably use those prompts one of these days. Congrats to everybody else who actually finished NHBPM, if I could hand you a cookie I would. 

This week is gonna be a pretty awesome week for me. Partly because Hanukkah starts on the 8th and mainly because my 24th birthday is on Tuesday! YAY ME! I'll be celebrating by hanging out with the family and maybe going out for dinner tomorrow (several people in my house have had a tiny stomach bug today, myself included. So we'll see what tomorrow brings). I'm sure that most people my age would be beyond bummed about not celebrating their birthdays by going out with a bunch of friends and getting completely hammered. While I am perfectly fine with that not being the case, it does make me feel kinda weird that I don't. I dunno, I guess it's events like this that highlight that I do not behave like your average 20 something. Apart from that weird feeling, I really do not mind not being the norm. My birthday "party" will consist on nomming on steaks with my family, and it'll be awesome. Bonus awesome points for being to remember my birthday come the day after ;)

Funny, my last official birthday party was 10 years ago (annnnddd now I feel old). I stopped having parties because people stopped inviting me to theirs, lying about not having parties, etc. Yeaaahhhh birthday parties kinda trigger a buncha negative memories about being abandoned by people. That's probably the main reason that I am perfectly content with spending the day with my family and maybe a friend if possible. As depressing as that may sound, there is no way in hell that I'm gonna let a few traumatic memories rain on my parade. One thing I've learned in my decade without the parties is that they are not necessary for a good time. Having a friend over for a movie can be just as fun :) 

Crippie's Tippie - The whole "spare the cripple's feelings by not inviting them to things" logic is flawed to say the least. Can you say "EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE!"?

How To Piss Off Crippie

Ohai!

This isn't a giant cripple rant post! I'm just answering a cripple question... I SWEAR!

Before I get to the cripple question, I must make a tiny confession. Today (yesterday, whatever) I was going to go to the animal shelter and adopt the walking wig that is Meatloaf, but alas... he found a home on Saturday. Congrats to Meatloaf's new owners... let's hope he gets a nice hair trim. Crippie will continue to check Petfinder and Craigslist for piggies. Who knows, maybe one of these days I'll find a piggie to add to my herd. Just a quick tip for people searching Craigslist for piggies... be wary of people selling baby pigs, they could very well be "back-door breeders". These guys know little about pig genetics and you could very easily wind up with a very sick little pig. Not to mention the whole breeding is insanely dangerous for the mommy and the babies thing.

Moving on, since posting some of my infamous "STOP COMPLAINING" cripple rants I've been asked "Apart from your oh so subtle hatred of complaining, do normals do anything else to grind your gears?"

Well, the complaining thing is without a doubt my top pet peeve. I find it absolutely infuriating at times. Crippie does have some other pet peeves that annoy the hell out of me. Again, these peeves annoy me... they don't make me really angry or anything, they just piss me off.

This Is Just God's Way Of _______________

Sorry if this offends anyone, but when anyone tells me that my disability is part of God's plan for me, or God's way of teaching me something I get annoyed. The concept of God wanting me suffer seems so cruel. I can't imagine a loving God willingly doing that to a person. I hate this approach to disability in general. There is no reason for people to be disabled... it just happens. Crippie can however recognize that people are entitled to their own religious opinions. Whenever someone tells me this I usually just keep my mouth shut and brush it off. 

OMG YOU'RE SO LUCKY!!!!

There are perks to being a cripple, and these perks are nice to have (handicapped parking, etc.) But when a Normal tells me that I'm lucky for having these perks I get angry. When I was in school so many people would tell me how lucky I was that I didn't have to go to gym class. Crippie wanted to say "Don't you know how lucky you are that you CAN go to gym class?!?!?!". People don't realize that while cripples do have the occasional benefit we pay a heavy price for them. I would much rather be a normal without the perks than be a cripple with the perks. 

Stop Being Lazy!

Crippie has chronic fatigue, so I get very tired very easily. I hate when people call me lazy for one reason or another. CRIPPIE IS NOT LAZY! CRIPPIE IS GENUINELY TIRED!!! 

and on an issue unrelated to disability "You know that people eat guinea pigs right?"

OMG STOP, CRIPPIE IS AWARE THAT PEOPLE EAT GUINEA PIGS! You can stop telling me stories about how some dude on the food channel ate a guinea pig, or sending me a video of people picking out their piggie, cooking them, and eating them. First off, people don't technically eat guinea pigs, they eat Cuy, a larger version of guinea pigs. Second, my piggies are my babies, I DO NOT WANT TO THINK OF THEM DEAD! It's not funny. It's not nice. Next time someone jokes about eating one of my pigs because they are wheeking, I'll take that pig out and make them urinate on the offender. Crippie knows how to make them pee on command. I'll do it. Nobody puts my babies in a corner! 

That's about it, the piggie one probably annoys me most of all. In other news, Crippie is still trying to go to sleep. I tried playing The Sims last night in order to get me tired... it kinda worked. Tonight I tried blogging... CLEARLY did not work seeing as how it's almost 5 in the morning. Crippie wishes she were more like her babies, they can sleep anywhere at any time.

If I fits, I sleeps

Food Coma snuggles

Crippie's Tippie - If you tell a cripple that they are lucky to have a disability, there is a fair chance that they will beat your senseless with their mobility aid.

Screw It, I'm Puttin' Shorts On

Crippie has oodles of things to discuss with y'all!

First and foremost, Crippie hopes everyone is enjoying their Memorial Day weekend. While we are enjoying our time off, let us take a moment to remember everyone who gave their lives for this country. May they rest in peace. 

The Mama Pig Update - Mama is continuing to stabilize. She had two whole days without monitoring! I monitored her for about 2 hours today, she wasn't gassy at all and she was able to poop. She's not completely recovered yet, and I'll probably take her for a drive tomorrow to really get the gears going. Crippie cannot even begin to tell you guys how relieved I am that she is improving. When she first got sick I thought I was gonna lose her. It's been a rough couple of weeks with her, but all the work and worrying seems to have paid off. Crippie really can't say this enough, pigs are hard work. If I hadn't done anything to help Mama she wouldn't be here now. 

Next, it has come to my attention that I am probably offending a bunch of people by calling people without disabilities "Normals". To the readers who are offended... I'm sorry if I am offending you, but I just as I use the word "cripple" I mean no harm. I like to think of it like Harry Potter. There are people who possess magical powers (witches and wizards) and people who do not possess magical powers (muggles). It is easier to say "muggle" versus "people who do have magic powers". Yes, Crippie is well aware that just because a person is not disabled that doesn't mean they are normal and that their lives are full of sunshine are unicorns. I know that there is no such thing as a normal person and that everyone is messed up in some way or another. But for the purposes of this blog, which mainly pertains to disability it makes sense to classify people who have disabilities and people who don't.

I call people without disabilities "Normals" simply because I couldn't find a better word for 'em. Believe me I thought about it. Crippie thought about "Healthy" but that didn't really make sense. "Able-bodied" was also in the maybe pile, but that sounded like I was excluding people with mental illnesses. Someone jokingly said I should call 'em "Bloods" but that would have been reaaaaaaalllllyyyy racist and offensive. If anyone can come up with a better name please let me know. I'd love to see what y'all come up with. 

Moving on, I don't know about you guys, but it was really freakin' hot today. So hot that Crippie needed to wear shorts. Why is that such a big deal? Because my legs aren't exactly my best asset and I don't particularly care for exposing them. Crippie's general approach to clothing would be to highlight the assets and minimize the less awesome parts of you. Anything above the knee tends to make the imperfections in my legs more obvious, so I usually stick to knee length skirts and shorts. I'm  not saying "OMG my legs are sooooooo ugly and deformed I hate them", but everyone has a not so awesome "problem area" and mine is my legs. But the today's heat called for above the knee shorts. So Crippie put on her big girl panties, and then put on her only pair of above the knee shorts. I must say, it felt kinda liberating. Sure, my legs are still not awesome, but I really do not give a crap! Crippie will always notice and focus on the problems with my legs, but most normals don't see anything wrong with 'em... well... except for the giant scar running down my leg, but I think of that as a conversation piece. To prove my point, here's Crippie's leggies... and yes, for Crippie those are really short shorts (modesty is the best policy!)

My conversation piece, it's won several scar wars

My leggies

Left leg, showin' off three of my surgical sites. 

I thought I had mosquito bites on my leg, turns out they are tumors on my ankle, SWEET! 

See, even though I see a lotta things wrong with my legs I can recognize that they're not terrible. Who knows, maybe I'll wear a skirt without tights to work this week! SCANDALOUS! 

Random, I finally saw "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo". Crippie loved it, especially the opening graphics, sooooooooooo shnazzzzzzy.

Crippie's Tippie - Chances are your body doesn't suck as much as you think it does

Crippie Says The Darndest Things!

Ohaiiiiiii

The Mama Pig Update - It was another off night for Mama Pig. I took her out for monitoring and she was gassy and not pooping again. I did the toothbrush massages and forced her to wee a little and eventually she pooped. While I was massaging Mama I noticed that she is experiencing some hair loss on her sides. I went on the internet to see what in the hell was going on and I didn't get any clear answers. Generally speaking hair loss on a female guinea pig's sides screams Ovarian Cysts. The thing is she doesn't display any other symptoms of ovarian cysts... at all. Crippie will continue to observe her to see if I notice any of the other symptoms of cysts. I really hope she doesn't have cysts, they have nothing to do with her current issues. My gut is telling me that Mama Pig is pulling the hair out because her tummy hurts. Crippie is gonna change her game plan a little... I'm gonna stop using the toothbrush as a precaution (I dunno if it could rupture a cyst) and will switch to letting Mama Pig ride on top of the washing machine (a gentler less concentrated vibration). I'm also gonna obtain that baby probiotic and start Mama on that.

Nooooooowwww, about that whole Crippie Rant last night... Crippie has a clearer head today, I do regret how certain things came out and I'm so sorry if I offended anyone. "Normals" complaining about trivial things has to be my number one pet peeve, and I guess seeing an overload of whining from a bunch of people kinda sent me over the edge. But overall, Crippie doesn't regret it. I felt like it had to be said. And if anyone is wondering Crippie and her friend had a dandy talk about everything and we totally patched everything up, so in that regard I'm really glad I had that little rant. But in all seriousness, Crippie thinks that people (no one in particular) need to stop focusing on how much their lives suck and instead focus on the positives. The positives might be harder to spot sometimes, but they without a doubt exist.

Since the blog has kinda taken a "cripples vs. normals" turn for the past few days, I figured I'd answer a related Crippie Question. "Why do you take offense to people calling you an inspiration? Last time I checked that was a compliment". Alright, here's the deal... it's not that us cripples find it offensive, it's just annoying as all hell when people say it insincerely or when they say something like "OMG you're disabled but you drive to work every day, you're such an inspiration". It kinda feels like we're being called inspirational solely because we're disabled. It's like saying "OMG you were a Jew in the 1940's in Europe, you're such an inspiration". It feels like an empty, meaningless statement... especially if you hear it over and over and over and over. That being said, if the cripple actually did something worth the compliment, it is seen as a such. People have said called me inspirational because of this blog and I don't see that as an insult at all... I'm actually doing something (blogging) and I'm relating it to my disability so the two things are related. BTW, thanks to all my "Crippled Comrades" who have had said those things about me... sorry if recent posts have made it seem like I didn't appreciate that.

So in MRI news... BOTH OF MY MRI'S HAVE FINALLY BEEN APPROVED!!! Now on to the next mini-battle, finding a hospital that can do them! Recently a shiny new hospital was built near Crippie so naturally we thought they would be able to handle my MRI but apparently they only do knee and back stuff. I'm still really confused about their inability to do my MRI... I thought all I had to do was sit in the damn machine. Oh well, we found another hospital that I can get the MRI done at, we just need to have the address changed with all the insurance stuff. Me thinks that this issue will be solved tomorrow (later today, whatever). Once that issue is settled it looks like I'll be able to schedule my MRI for Friday. If that's the case expect a lot of Rebecca Black parodies.

Crippie watched the final episode of House today. I must say, it was hard to watch one of my favorite TV characters go. I'm soooooooooooo glad that they ended on a high note instead of killing people just for the sake of killing people. What do y'all think? Crippie now eagerly awaits for a new show that focuses on someone with a disability *HINT HINT PRODUCERS*

Crippie's Tippie - If you're gonna call a cripple an inspiration, have an actual inspiring reason to do so

Normals Say The Darndest Things!

Sup Y'all?

The Mama Pig Update - Mama Pig was stable today to I opted to just let her rest for the night.

Crippie's been sharing that video I posted yesterday to several of my crippled buddies... we are all in agreement that it is 110% true and equally hilarious. We've also been telling one another "OMG YOU'RE SO BRAVE" or "YOU'RE SUCH AN INSPIRATION"... it's now an inside joke. 

Ah Normals, can't live with 'em... can't live without 'em ;) Seriously y'all there were a few normals that were really pissing Crippie off today. They didn't do or say anything to me personally thankfully... but here's what happened... Crippie was browsing facebook when all of the sudden she sees a status along the lines of "having foot surgery tomorrow... I can't wait to do all those fun summer things like running and hiking... oh wait". That status kinda ticked Crippie off. I wanted to write "WELCOME TO MY WORLD BITCHEZZZ" but alas... I don't think it would have been appropriate. Well, now Crippie is kinda peeved and looking at facebook, I then see a link to an acquaintance's blog. Said normal has recently injured her ankle and will be needing surgery to fix it. I figured I'd read the blog to check up on how the normal is doing... I really regret doing that. The normal was blogging about how hard her life is with her broken ankle and how she can't do anything, how she wanted to die because a boy decided to flirt with an "able bodied" person over her", just an over all pity party. You would think that Crippie would be all like "OMG I'm so glad you've seen the error of your normal ways, you know what it's like to lose something!" but no... this whole thing got me really, really, really angry... ready for a Crippie Rant people... Crippie's doing a stream of conscious rant... brace yourselves

<CrippieRant>

Alright normals, you want a pity party? Do you really expect me to feel bad for you? Guess what... I don't. I don't care about your trivial TEMPORARY problems. You broke your ankle? That sucks but guess what, you'll recover. How dare you have the audacity to complain about how hard your life is because you broke a god damned bone! You are not disabled, you have no idea how it really effects our lives. Don't you dare compare having a minor, temporary problem to being disabled. Crippie isn't being a complete asshole here... I know what the person will have to go through, she'll need surgery to fix the bones and she'll probs need some pins put in to set the bones... BIG FRIGGIN DEAL. Crippie has hardware in her ankle... IT'S NOT THAT BAD. My recovery from ankle surgery was relatively doable. Not to mention I was a whole freakin' decade younger than this normal when I had my ankle surgery. This is gonna sound horrible but when Crippie hears a normal complaining about something stupid I feel happy that they are suffering. If something so trivial makes you that upset you deserve to suffer. If these normals were in my shoes they'd be beyond miserable. I honestly think that some of these people would kill themselves if they were placed in my shoes. 

I think it's safe to say that hearing normals complain about something that I regularly go through like it's the end of their God damned world makes me really upset. It sucks that they are going through a temporary rough patch, but it's not the end of the world, and they will recover STOP BITCHING ABOUT IT. This whole thing really makes me livid... I dunno maybe it's because I am jealous of their ability to recover and go back to being a normal. I can recover from a surgery but at the end of the day I'm still crippled. I don't complain because I know there are people far less fortunate than I am, and I know that I am lucky for the things I do have. I could do entire posts about how my life is so hard and how much pain I'm in but I don't. I'll mention that I'm in pain but I don't whine about it. There is a difference between stating the facts and trying to evoke pity. Crippie doesn't want a pity party. Hearing people say "OMG I'm so sorry for you" makes me feel worse! 

I don't believe in pity partying unless it's something realllllllyyyyyyyyyy bad. Your kid has cancer? Okay, that is absolutely horrible so I'll join that party. Someone died? I'll join your pity party. If it's something serious, by all means... let it out. If it's not really bad, shut up.

It might seem like Crippie is really bitter about this, and that's because I am. These normals are so terribly lucky to be normals, seeing them squander things that I never got the chance to have hurts. It hurts a lot. So please normals, step outside of your boxes for a second and realize how much you have, sure those little glitches in life are rather inconvenient, but guess what... THAT'S LIFE. Life is full of ups and downs, you just have to recognize that those glitches are part of life. Deal with them and move on.

And last but not least... JUST BECAUSE YOU BROKE YOUR ANKLE THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE A CRIPPLE!

</CrippieRant>

*Sigh* Sorry if that made no damn sense or offended anyone. Believe it or not Crippie actually calmed herself down before writing this. Crippie was absolutely livid, and it takes a LOT to get Crippie really angry. Normally I can rationalize situations and my general delays usually help me stay calm... but not this time. Crippie is well aware that these were not personal attacks, but I take them personally nonetheless. And yes, Crippie also sees the irony of complaining about other people complaining and I might feel weird about this post later... but for now I'm still angry and I don't care.

Crippie's Tippie - Follow the 10-80-10 rule... 10% of your life is completely awesome moments (getting married, etc), 10% of your life will suck beyond all reason (something dies), the rest is in the middle... it's up to you whether or not you want your life awesome or not. I choose to let my life be awesome... I save my sadness for when I need it.

Why Yes I Can See You!

Yo! 

I hope all my readers had a lovely day, Crippie's day went relatively well. Right now I'm trying to get tired by doing things on the internet while listening to the soundtrack of "Silence! The Musical". I must say... for a musical comedy based of Silence of the Lambs, the sound is pretty freakin' awesome. 

Anyway, for tonight's blog post Crippie figured she'd do something that she hasn't done in a good long while... answer a crippie question! People have asked Crippie if it feels weird when people stare at me. The answer... yup, very much so. Crippie absolutely hates it when anyone over age 10 stares at her. Why? Small kids stare at you with honest curiosity. They really don't know what's going on nor do they know better. People who are old enough to know better don't stare with an honest curiosity. The vibe I get from them is "ew... she's walking with crutch...". They then proceed to stare at you in some attempt to figure out why I'm crippled. I really hate how people think that I can see them... guess what... I CAN SEE YOU! Even if you're not in my direct line of vision I can tell that you are staring at me! As annoying as this is... I do my best to brush it off and continue on with my day.

Now, what should a normal do instead of awkwardly staring at a cripple? If you reallllyyyyyyyy have to know why I'm crippled don't stare at me when you think I can't see you. Please just say something like "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your cane, may I ask why you have to use it?" If the normal is polite about it I'd have no problem answering the question. 

So there ya have it folks, a crippie question! If anyone has any other cripple questions for me feel free to post a comment or to email me. I'll answer damn near anything.

Crippie's Tippie - STOP STARING AT CRIPPLES... WE CAN TELL YOU ARE DOING IT

NHBPM- Say Whhhhaaaaaaaaaaa

'Ello!

Over 5,000 blog views... HOLY MOLY! You guys are seriously awesome.
It looks like the last three blog prompts are gonna be very entertaining. Today's prompt is... Say WHAT?! What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve heard about health or your condition. Was there any context? What did you think at the time you heard it – and what do you think of it now?
I've heard some dandy things about my condition. I've been asked if my condition is a form of dwarfism (I'm 5' 3" btw), I've been asked if I am dying, I've been asked if I'm sterile (which was realllyyyy creeeeeppppppyyyyyyyyyy), but today I'm gonna focus on one of my most "LOL-worthy" conversations
The Context- I am in my apartment, on campus in college. One of my roommates is about to go out with her friends. One of her friends is a douche-bag. He is a an annoying little twerp who acts like he is God's gift to mankind. He also likes to pretend that he knows everything. He notices my cane and asks me why I walk with it. The conversation goes as follows...
Crippie- I have a genetic disorder
Douche-Bag- Oh? Which one?
Crippie- Multiple Hereditary Exostoses 
Douche-Bag- I've heard of that
Crippie- How the hell have you heard of it?
Douche-Bag- My mom's a nurse, I know these things. It's related to Cystic Fibrosis.
Crippie- No it's not. Cystic Fibrosis is completely unrelated to what I have. MHE has to do with bones, CF mainly has to do with mucus membranes.
Douche-Bag- No, they're related
Crippie- NO THEY ARE NOT
Douche-Bag- Yes they are
Crippie- NO THEY ARE NOT
Douche-Bag- My mom's a nurse, I know these things
Crippie- I've had this disease for over 20 years... I know these things more! 
Douche-Bag- So... how do they treat it? Chemotherapy? 
Crippie- Ummm... nooooooo. That's chondrosarcoma, bone cancer. Not a genetic disorder. I thought you knew all about my illness?

The douche-bag continued to try to "out-cripple" me by showing me his nerve damaged finger. I then told him both my legs have severe damage and RSD. He then said "I feel sorry for you" and then left. Dick. General rule of thumb normals, don't try to out cripple a cripple. You will not win. We will laugh at you once you leave. Also general rule of thumb, don't say "I feel sorry for you" say "I'm sorry you have to go through that" something that doesn't evoke real pity. What did I think at the time I heard it? Well, once the Douche-Bag left me and my other roomies were basically like "WTF?!?!?!?!" I was pretty impressed at my ability to out-cripple him and call him out on his BS! What do I think of it now? Looking back on it I think "Lulz... douche-bag".

Crippie's Tippie- If you want to ask a cripple about their illness, be polite and don't be a wise ass.


This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J 

NHBPM- Cripple Etiquette

Ohai Everyone!

I hope everyone enjoyed their day before Thanksgiving. I got off work early so I throughly enjoyed my day. Today's blog prompt looks awesome, and by that I mean I can do whatever I want with saying something like "IMMA REBEL" before doing so. Today's prompt is... Health Activist Choice. Write about whatever you want! Swwweeeeeeeetttt. Several normals have approached Crippie and asked various etiquette questions, so without further adieu I give you...

If the cripple is a stranger...

DON'T- Stare at them, it's really annoying

DO- If you're gonna stare at 'em you might as well just ask why said person is a cripple

DON'T- Make cripple jokes, you will look like an asshole

DON'T- Ask the cripple (or cripple's caregiver) if said cripple is dying or what their life expectancy is. If you really must know, GOOGLE IT. And yes, someone asked if I was dying once.

DO- If you see a cripple clearly struggling with something, offer to help. 

If the cripple is your friend

DON'T- Make cripple jokes unless the cripple makes them first. Not all cripples like joking about their situation

DO- Remember that cripple friends can't always do the same things as normal friends

DO- Offer your cripple friend help only when they ask for it or if you see them clearly struggling. It's not that we don't appreciate the help, it's just that we like to do things on own whenever possible.

So there ya have it folks, a basic guide for the normals! BTW normals, if I am offending any of you by calling you "normals" please let me know. If you have any other ideas for nicknames for normal people please post in the comment section. I was thinking of calling them "muggles" but I sadly I don't think it quite applies. 

Crippie's Tippie- At the end of the day just remember that cripples are "special normals". 

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J 

NHBPM- Crippie is a REBEL!!!!!

Hi Everybody!

Crippie is gonna ignore ANOTHER NHBPM prompt tonight! The prompt I'm going to ignore tonight is... Be present. Describe something peaceful with as much sensory imagery as you can. What are the sights, sounds, scents, and feelings? 
I'm ignoring this one for several reasons, one being I'm very tired and I think I might be getting sick, the other reason is that I'm not very good at describing "love-y dove-y abstract things" like that. I'm kinda literal when it comes to that stuff.
Instead I'm gonna answer a question that I was recently asked. Since Crippie is such a rebel I was asked if I ever do things to taunt and or "freak out" normals. When Crippie is vastly outnumbered by normals I leave them alone. When Crippie is with several other crippies... HELL YEAH WE FREAK OUT NORMALS! 
We cripples are very subtle about our "normal freak outs". Generally we go out in public, somewhere with a lot of people in a small space, like an elevator and discuss our crippledness. It can be as simple as "hey look at my new scar" or as complex as "do you think society looks down on us for being disabled?" and we just continue this conversation and weird out the normals. Nothin' terrible, but boy do we enjoy weirding people out on occasion. Why do we do this? Why not? We're pretty sure that people get uncomfortable around cripples they don't know anyway... why not get some lulz out of it.


Crippie's Tippie- Don't freak out the normals tooooo often, then it loses it's magic. 


This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J 

NHBPM- Things That Piss Off Crippie

Sup?

I hope everyone had a good weekend, let's aim for a good Monday. Speaking of Monday, today's NHBPM topic is..
Case of the Mondays. Write about something that gets you down, burns you out, or makes you sad. Purge it in a blog post. Turn it around at the end. Tell Tuesday why you’re ready for it.
Alrighty, ready for a Crippie rant? If this offends anyone I'm sorry, feel free to counter rant me in the comment section. If you wanna agree with me in the comment section you can do that too ;)
<StartRant>
Okay, there are times when "normals" burn me out and in general piss me off. When I hear a normal person complain about really mundane things I get really aggravated. It feels like "how dare they complain, do they not know how lucky they are?" or "puh-lease do you have any idea of how much I go through?". I rarely tell said normal this because they really won't get it. It pisses me off they won't realize how good their lives are until something horrible happens and they will lose something. They don't know what they have and how lucky they are to have it. I'm probably rambling a little bit so here's a quote from Disney's "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" that pretty much sums this part up...

Out there among the millers and the weavers and their wives. Through the roofs and gables I can see them. Ev'ry day they shout and scold and go about their lives. Heedless of the gift it is to be them. If I was in their skin I'd treasure ev'ry instant

I do my best not to complain about my health because I know that there are so many people who are worse off health wise than I am. I NEVER complain about my parents because I know how good they are, regardless of how I might get annoyed from time to time. (mini-rant I HATE when teenagers complain about their parents, unless your parents are literally abusing you in some way, shut up, they know more than you do). I know that things can always be worse, so I feel weird whining about something that isn't terrible. 

</Rant>

So, knowing that things can be worse also helps me deal with this little bit of frustration. When you think about it of all the things in the world that could bum me out this is not bad. It's not like people are actually being rude to me. No one is intentionally (as far as I am aware) doing this to make me mad. Would it be nice to hear more normals talk about the things they are thankful for, sure? But I still love my normals very much and it's gonna take a whole lotta bitchin' for me to really dislike someone. 

Why am I ready for Tuesday? Because I am thankful that I have somewhere to go. I have my lovely job and my car to get me back and fourth. When I come home I have a very supportive family waiting for me and some very hungry pets waiting for attention and food. How can I complain about something like that! 

Crippie's Tippie- Don't wait till Thanksgiving to realize you're grateful for something.

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J