Crippie Talks About Tylenol... FUNNESS

Oh hai... again

Just saw an article on the news that said the makers of Tylenol are cutting the maximum dose from 4,000mg to 3,000 mg. I hope that this further proves what I have been saying for a good long while that pain meds are serious business... even in the over the counter format.

And for those who think that few people take 4,000mg of Tylenol a day... *does calculations* I've had to take 4,000mg a day before, several times. Now I take about 1,500mg of it daily and I was carefully instructed by my doctor to not go over that, because I'm gonna be taking this stuff for the rest of my life, I run a fair risk of stomach and liver damage.

Medications are a serious matter and should not be taken lightly people!

Crippie's Tippie- Be careful of what you take, always follow the labels on the bottle, and never take more than the max dose.

Why Not Me?

Cheerie-o!

OVER 2,000 BLOG VIEWS... OH MY GOOD N' PLENTY!!! I really am thankful that I have so many viewers, followers, and commenters. I have yet to delete a troll comment on this blog (watch, now I'm gonna get a bunch of 'em). As a reward for loyal viewership I'll answer a question that is impossible to answer... "Why do you think you're disabled?"

Honestly, I'm not a very religious person. I'm sorry if this offends anyone but I have never thought that "God  has a plan for you and wanted you to be a cripple" is a valid excuse. Is it possible? Sure, why not. I just don't like the idea of God wanting me to be a cripple if that makes any sense.

Personally I turn to the fact that humans are imperfect and things go wrong with the human body all the time. The simplest thing like a minute change in your DNA can have massive effects on a person. That's what happened to me, one of my genes mutated. The defective gene caused my genetic disorder. My genetic disorder caused my arthritis. Complications from surgery caused my RSD.

Apart from the technicality, I do not believe that there is a reason for me to be a cripple. Sith happens. So as to why I think I'm disabled... I was just lucky enough to have a genetic mutation.

Crippie's Tippie- It really doesn't matter why you are disabled, what really matters is everything you are going to do in spite of it.

Crippie's Intake Appointment

Ohai,

As the title suggests, today was my intake appointment with the "help cripples get jobs" people. I was expecting a long review of my medical history, listing everything I can't do (I've had to do that before... super fun), and a brief description of what I would like to do in terms of work. In actuality it was a lot of paperwork, a long review of my education history, listing every job that I have done (MINI CRIPPIE TIPPIE- BRING YOUR RESUME TO YOUR INTAKE APPOINTMENTS, SAVES LOTS OF TIME). I was pleasantly surprised how they really didn't focus on what I can't do, but more what I want to do with my life. I'm rather optimistic at this point that this service will help me obtain some form of employment.

I returned home after the meeting, only to find a crap ton of emails in my inbox. I NEVER get crap a ton of emails. All of these emails were notifications from bloggers.com, a social network for bloggers. Curious I looked deep into my inbox to find that I was chosen as one of the "Editor's Picks of the day". This is pretty much how Crippie's mind processed this honor...

Crippie's Brain- Hmmm, buncha emails... hmmmm, all from bloggers, oh I'm the Editor's pick of the day, cool *FIVE MINUTES LATER* HOLY CRAP I'M THE EDITOR'S PICK OF THE DAY!!!

I've gotta give a big thanks to whoever picked Crippie and also a bigger thanks to everyone that reads this :D

Crippie's Tippie- Crippie is a good worker, hire Crippie

Crippie Cannot Come Up With An Innovative Title

Hello,

OH NOES, I'VE LOST MY SARCASM AND WIT, HOW WILL I GO ONNNNNNNN!

Before I begin my post I want to send my well wishes to the people of Norway. I cannot imagine the heartbreak those families are going through. Some of my best cripple buddies live in Norway and I am so thankful that they are unharmed.

Alas, I don't have any cripple related questions to answer today, but I will tell you about my day and the next couple of days ahead. It is gonna be oddly busy after all.

I went to my pain management doctor today. I'm still good with my pain meds, but I have to cut down on my arthritis medicine by half, otherwise it might cause an ulcer one day... uh oh. If I do get an ulcer I won't be able to take this medication ever again... double uh oh. So like I said here, pain medications and medication in general are not something to be taken lightly. It is a serious matter and it could have very dangerous consequences. Worst case scenario, I overdose and die, see... very serious consequences.

Even though I occasionally get bad news at doctor's visits, apparently I'm quite a hoot while I'm there. Here's what I did today...
1) Wrote a song for "Soylent Green: The Musical!" to the tune of Edelweiss.
2) Told a nurse that I only go to the Target pharmacy because they have pretty bottles (which is true).
3) Got my doctor to give out my business cards to her patients (I love my doctor).

While it was a very entertaining doctors visit, the visit itself along with the trip to Target to get my meds refilled rendered me useless for the day. It's also raining here so that didn't help.

Tomorrow is my intake appointment for job placement help. I'm not exactly nervous about the meeting, more curious if anything. I just don't know what to expect. I have my resume, portfolio, business cards, samples of work to bring with me so I think I'm prepared for everything. I'll definitely update the blog tomorrow to let y'all know what the intake is like.

Saturday is gonna be awesome, it's CRIPPLEFEST! Cripplefest is a small gathering that has been occurring at my house since I was 12 where people with my disability come over and hang out for the day. We eat, have scar wars, have tumor wars, epic cane battles, and in general make a bunch of cripple related jokes. Cripplefest is one of the highlights of my year, I love not being the only cripple in a room and I REALLY love being in a place where crippies are not the minority. It's super fun!

So in conclusion to this really hodge-podged post... um.... yeaaaahhh... I got nothing

Crippie's Tippie- Make sure you like your doctors, if you think your doctor is a dick you're less likely to do what they tell you to do.

Disability & The Work Force

Greetings,

I've been a college graduate for a few months now, and unfortunately I'm still unemployed. This isn't an uncommon problem for people with disabilities. Along with the general sucky-ness of the job market, having a disability puts further strain on my search...
--- No really long commutes. I have chronic fatigue so driving home late at night after a long days work could be kinda dangerous.
--- No subways. Thanks to my RSD my legs are vibration sensitive (in other words my legs hurt when a floor shakes). Sadly, this kinda eliminates the possibility for me to work in the city, which is pretty much every graphic designers dream. The money I'm saving by not having a NYC apartment makes me feel slightly better about this.
---Nothing involving significant amounts of physical labor. I think that one speaks for itself.

While I would just like to find ANY JOB, unlike my "normal" friends I do not have to the luxury of being able to find a "teenage job" like a waitress for the time being. I had a dandy conversation with my grandmother about this subject.

Grannie- How's the job hunt coming?
Crippie- I'm applying to everything I see
Grannie- You should find a small job in the meantime, like a waitress
Crippie- But I can't walk....
Grannie- Retail?
Crippie- Can't lift heavy objects and I can't stand for more than 10 minutes without it hurting
Grannie- hhhhmmmmm
Crippie- yyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Grannie- yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

So in the meantime I have been looking locally for any jobs that I might even sorta qualify for. Also, the program that paid for my driving lessons, part of my education, etc has a job placement office. I didn't want to use their help, but it looks like I need it. I have an intake appointment on Wednesday with them. I'll let you guys know how that goes.

Also, I'm trying to see what I can do on the interwebz as far as making money and finding freelance clients. I'm going to be writing articles for blogcritics.org about whatever my little heart desires. At the moment I feel like writing reviews for "pretty books" :D.

Additionally, I've been getting more comfortable with styling my blog and adding HTML/CSS goodies. If anyone out in the blog-o-sphere would like a blogger redesign, HIT CRIPPIE UP. I designed my blog and I am also currently working on THIS blog's design as well. I'll do anything from a badge, banner, to the whole damn blog!

So yeah, expect several job related posts in the next coming weeks/months. Wish Crippie luck!

Crippie's Tippie For Pre-Work Force Crippies- Go to school and become educated in something that a) you enjoy doing and b) you can physically do. Desk jobs seem to do nicely.
Crippie's Tippie For Work Force Age Crippies- There are places and programs that help you find jobs.

Architecture Fail

Oh Hai,

I hope everyone is enjoying this lovely heat wave, and by enjoying it I mean enjoying a cold beverage in an air conditioned room. I spent the day in a thankfully air conditioned building putting some last touches on some scenery. While I was taking a "OH MY GOD IT IS HOT" break I couldn't help but notice how much the design of the building I was in sucked. It's not that the building is ugly or boring, it's that the building is sooooooooo not handicap friendly. I swear the architects just decided to put 3 to 4 stairs in random places for the lulz. To make matters worse, when the building had to be updated to fit ADA standards, they put in mini-elevators for some of the stairs instead of ramps.

Elevator from hell

The really craptacular thing about these elevators is that you need a security guard or someone who works at the building to help you use it. In other words, this elevator is near a bathroom... if an elderly cripple with a weak bladder has to use the "cripple crapper" (and yes, I am totally using Urban Dictionary terms for the rest of my LIFE) they would have to go obtain a security guard, have the person turn on the elevator, operate the elevator, help you in and out, and THEN you can go pee. That is a lot of effort for 5 steps. Apart from the additional effort it takes, you have no independence. You have to go ask someone is you can go down 5 stairs. The cripple is completely helpless in that situation.

When I was in high school I was given the option to use the school's elevator. The moment I found it was security guard operated I opted to take the stairs. I'm going to have to lose a hell of a lot more of my mobility before I have to ask someone if I can go down 5 stairs.

Crippie's Tippie For Architects- If you have to upgrade a building... ramps are nice

Criplomatic Immunity

'Ello Guv'nah

Today I would like to discuss Criplomatic Immunity with you all. Criplomatic Immunity is one of the few perks of being crippled. Essentially it is when a cripple gets some special treatment (handicap parking, first in line sorta thing) or special service (financial aid) purely because they are disabled. For example, a certain program paid for my driving lessons because I needed special help. This program also helped pay for my college education. Why? Because it's ultimately cheaper than paying my disability checks.

Generally speaking I do not discuss my perks with "normal" people because they have gotten rather mad at me for having some nice benefits. "What did I do to deserve free driving lessons?" "You didn't do anything to deserve free textbooks" "I didn't do anything special to warrant these perks". My response to people like this is pretty simple and straightforward...

Shut up. Yeah, I didn't deserve these perks, but I also don't deserve to be in pain all of time. Which would you rather have a normal life with no perks, or a life of a cripple with the occasional perk. Believe me, the normal route is so much better. Almost every aspect of my life is made painful thanks to my disability, why shouldn't I take advantage of a good parking space?

Criplomatic Immunity honestly helps keep me sane. There are times when my life flat out sucks, but the perks help even things out.

Crippie's Tippie- Don't call crippples who take hand-outs and perks greedy. I can guarantee that you would do the same thing if the tables were turned.

I Can Do It

Hello, my name is sister Crippie (Book of Mormon joke btw)

I just realized that it's been several days since I've posted, whoops. The main reason I haven't been blogging is that I have been busy being a scenic artist for a local theatre group. I've literally been painting faux marble and faux wood since Tuesday. It's very hard work and to say it's physically demanding is an understatement.  Doing all this physical work is very difficult, tiring, and painful at times, but I am willing to suck the pain up for theatre! 

aaannnndddd transition to the reason I'm posting/crippie rant 

Most people are surprised when they find out that I physically can paint sets, they don't think I can do it. It annoys me when people automatically assume that I can't do something. I hate it when people ask "oh do you need help?" "it this hurting you?' "can you do this?" and so and so fourth. I know that they mean no harm in asking and are only looking out for me, normal people should follow this general rule of thumb... If I do not ask for help or if I don't tell you I cannot do something... chances are I CAN DO IT ON MY OWN. Unless I ask for help or clearly look like I am struggling there is no need to ask if I need help.

Crippie's Tippie- Let cripples be independent when they can be. 

How To Deal With Crap

Bonjour!

After two silly posts I figured I should do a serious one. I was asked a very difficult question yesterday by someone who's child has special needs. "How do you deal with being physically unable to do what you want to do?" I am fairly good at staying optimistic regardless of what is going on, but this has to be the hardest situation for me. My general outlook of "misfortune is temporary and everything will be alright in the end" really doesn't apply to something that is not temporary and will remain craptacular forever.

One of the hardest things about being a cripple is facing the reality that sometimes being a cripple holds you back. My disabilities have prevented me from going to various places, experiencing many "normal" moments, and have made aspects of my life very challenging. I'll admit there have been times when seeing pictures of people I know doing a variety of "normal" activities have made me cry. I try my best not to do that, simply because sitting and crying over someone's facebook picture accomplishes nothing. So here's what I do to deal with the crap.

1) Face the fact that life is not fair- The sooner you get over the "why me's" the better. There is no good reason for aspects of your life to suck, it just does. In some how, some way life sucks for everyone.

2) Accept the fact that the feeling of being held back will happen- Accepting it makes the feeling less harsh.

3) Make jokes about your situation- As one of my professors said "If ya don't laugh about it, you'll cry".

4) Find a proper outlet for your frustrations- I draw and paint to help me cope with the frustrations, soooo much better for you than crying over facebook photos.

A painting I made when I was 17, sums up some of my negative feelings.

5) Find people in similarly craptacular situations- You get the feeling you're not alone, support, and the ability to bitch about the situation to someone who knows what you are talking about.

I know it's hard, but we cannot let the occasional disappointment get the better of us. Don't let the negative aspects of your life outweigh the positives. I know we can do it.

Crippie's Tippie- Be thankful for anything and everything you can do, chances are there is someone out there who wishes they could do what you do.

Urbandictionary Lolz

'Ello

A few posts ago I mentioned how the definition of "crippie" on Urbandictionary leaves something to be desired. Upon closer inspection I found out that the word crippie also means "a crippled hippie". My qualms with Urbandictionary are no more.

Here's a list of my favorite Urbandictionary cripple related words and definitions...

Criplomatic Immunity- The status attained by those who are either permanently or temporarily crippled. Since they are going through a terrible period of their lives, they deserve fringe benefits in their daily lives. 

Cripple Cart- A electric wheelchair intended for use by the handicapped, most often seen at supermarkets.

Cripple Fight- a cripple fight is a fight between 2 cripple's is called a cripple fight as used on South Park usually involving the items that help the cripple's live out there lives to some normallity such as a wheelchair or crutches

Cripple Grape- The shriveled up grape found among a bunch of normal grapes.

Cripple Hot- Someone so hot they could cripple you.

Cripple Stick- the blue handicapped parking pass that you hang around your mirror when at walmart.

Cripple Sticks- Crutches. Walking aids such as canes...

Cripple Crapper- Disabled toilets.

Cripple-Copter- Any wheel-chair with aerial capabilities, A flying wheel-chair, When you launch a paraplegic out of a cannon

Crippletastic- A combination of the word cripple and fantastic used to describe great things that cripples do.

Cripster- A crippled hipster. He thinks you'll buy the get-up and grab that sympathy card, but you know those leg braces are just too ironic.

and my personal favorite...

Cripple- A person who has a disability and embraces it, rather than feeling sorry for themselves.

Crippie's Tippie For Those Who Are Offended By This- GET A SENSE OF HUMOR! Seriously, you gotta laugh at the situation sometimes. 

Crippie Has a Tumblr... Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

What's New Pussycat?

As the title suggests boredom and the inability to sleep has caused me to make a tumblr account. If you all want to see what occupies the rest of my time I suggest you follow me HERE. Chances are I will be posting videos of mini pigs for the rest of the night. I might also post some artwork that I've done on it as well, but for now... MINI PIGS!!!

Crippie's Tippie- Look up mini pigs, THEY ARE SO FRIGGIN CUTE!

Happy Songs!

Hola!

I really cannot believe how well this blog hop is going. It's great to see how many people are getting involved. The amount of blogs about parents with one or more children with Autism blows my mind. Autism is a growing epidemic and we really need to figure out what the eff it causing it. Seriously, 1 in 155 (last time I checked) is an INSANE statistic. Essentially everyone knows someone with Autism. To find out more about Autism, click HERE. 

On to other topics, one trick I use to preserve my optimism/sanity is happy, uplifting music. Whenever things seem to be going down the crapper I play my "happy playlist" and it actually does make me feel better. I've heard and believe things like "angry people listen to angry music", so when I want to be happy I listen to happy music. 

Thanks to the wonders of basic web design skills I can bring you playlists on my blog! If you guys like 'em I can make more when I find more songs I deem Crippie worthy. If you have any happy songs you want to recommend for future playlists, post a comment! Also I figured out how to make a badge for Crippie's Corner that you can post on your own blogs. I must say, I am enjoying "pimping out" this blog if you will. 

Crippie's Tippie- Check out "The Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Disease Research". Parkinson's Disease is a terrible illness that took my grandfather away almost two years ago. He would have been 82 today. Happy birthday Pop Pop, love ya lots.

Everything Is Going To Be OK

Hi Everybody!

I hope everybody had a good forth of July! I literally spent the day watching "The Twilight Zone" (day well spent in my opinion). Currently I am trying to wrap my mind around the Casey Anthony verdict, all I can say is I hope karma is real.

I obtained some more books with pictures in them a few days ago. One of these books was just so awesome and adorable I thought I should share it with you! "Everything Is Going To Be OK" by Chronicle Books is a book with inspirational quotes and illustrations. I love it because it mixes graphic design and optimism in a way that everyone can understand. 

Yeah, not the best quality photos but they show the book in a realistic manner. Anywhooo, I approve of this because essentially it is a bunch of motivational posters, properly designed, and bound into a book that I can look at whenever my little heart desires.

Crippie's Tippie- Try to stay positive and optimistic. You'd be surprised at how much better you feel. 

Happiness at the Fortune (and Misfortune) of Others

Oh hai!

I had a very interesting day today. First of all, I SOLD MY FIRST CANE! It's really cute actually, a lady that I met at my school for a few minutes bought one for her mother. Now her mother is gonna be stylin' in a bright purple cane with a rainbow pattern I designed! For all the other crippies out there with "normal" canes, go to my new site "Raising Cane" where I sell canes that actually look good!

Today I also had a rather humorous experience. I was walking to drugstore when I heard some teenagers talking. One of them why trying to sound cool and whilst talking to his friends said something like "MAN SHE WAS CRIPPED UP IN THAT CAR YO". About 3 seconds after he says this I walk by, with my crutch and all and his eyes bug out of his head and he darts his eyes away from me as fast as humanly possible. I found this whole encounter extremely hilarious and I LOL'ed once I was a safe distance away from the newly frightened teenager. Partly because I still have no idea what that kid was talking about, mainly because the kid got caught saying something he knows he shouldn't be saying! I wasn't offended by what he said, but I know people that would be. It's moments like that which fill my heart with joy.

Crippie's Tippie- Be cautious when using potentially offensive words, you never know who can hear you.