Monday, July 29, 2013

One Week

Yes I am singing that Barenaked Ladies song to myself right now.

I hope y'all have had a fabulous week. I've been pretty busy with the family and of course the n00b piggies.

Lucy, Eleanor and Prudence are slowly but surely adjusting to life with their new cage, new humans, and new buddies. Over the past week their relationship with Nellie & Maggie has grown from "We'll let you live... for now" to "I tolerate you, but I will keeeeeeeeeel you if you steal my lettuce". The n00bs definitely look up to Nellie and Maggie and see them as annoying older siblings who occasionally bite them in the ass. Lucy LOVES Nellie, she sees her as the ultimate role model. Nellie has already taught her the art of begging for noms.

Prudence is in awe of Maggie but mainly the new contraption that is "The Giant Talking Box" (the TV) she watched "Wheel of Fortune" with us and was completely enthralled with it. Eleanor was also highly intrigued by the talking box, but it took her longer to realize how awesome it was. They have also learned the art of screaming whenever someone enters the kitchen. I'm working on teaching them that my whistling means food, not the kitchen floor squeaking. It'll probably take a little bit of practice but no one here minds the wheeking, it's adorable. In the past I taught the pigs that the intro to "Moves Like Jagger" and or "Dueling Banjos" meant food and that the theme from Jaws meant they were about to be tickled.

While they're getting more comfortable with their surroundings, Eleanor and Prudence are very timid. Here's Pru's face and Eleanor's butt. They are very comfortable with being snuggled by humans though. They really enjoy snuggles.

Nellie & Eleanor have pretty much settled their differences. Nellie is the boss, and she is completely content with that role. She's enjoying bossing the other pigs around. I do not see her moping around the cage anymore. I have not seen her or Maggie laying down where Frida died. The n00bs definitely have helped them move on.
Maggie is slowly but surely adjusting to the n00bs, she no longer cowers in fear in corners. She does however get very territorial over this hide-y. She loves it and threatens to keeeeeeel any pig that dare think they are welcome in it.

As for Aggie, Fat Bastard is still blissfully enjoying her solitude. Her new favorite hiding place is under the ramp for the second level to her cage. She's afraid to walk up the ramp, but she'll sleep under it.

Well, that's about it for now. I really should attempt to get some sleep. YAY INSOMNIA! 

Crippie's Tippie - Buy your guinea pig supplies (hay, bedding, food, whatever) in bulk

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Piggie Post: NEW PIGGIES!


As promised, here's the story of our new additions...

Ok, well it started the day after Frida passed. As I mentioned in a prior post Nellie and Maggie were very mopey. The mopey-ness progressed over the next few days, and one of the only cures for the loss of a piggie friend is a new piggie friend, plus I really was not happy with the emptiness of the herd. So on Wednesday I started my search for a new pig, but it had to be the RIGHT new pig. Generally speaking it's easier to introduce babies and senior pigs to an existing group. A senior pig was unfortunately out of the question because I cannot stand the thought of losing another pig right now. I needed a baby pig. First I went to PetFinder. There were a few baby pigs in rescues about an hour away, they didn't scream out "MINE" but I kept 'em in my maybe file. I decided to check out Craigslist for teh lulz. Usually Craigslist pigs either come from a) Idiots who "don't have time" for their pigs anymore, or b) breeders. FUN FACT: If you see a Craigslist post for a baby guinea pig without the word "rehoming" or "adoption" fee, they are breeders. Do not support them. Most of the posts were idiots selling pigs, but none of them were close to me. I scrolled down a little and found a post from a month ago from my area. A rescue had acquired 3 young female pigs and they were looking to adopt them out. I figured I'd shoot the rescue an email inquiring about the pigs. Honestly I wasn't expecting much out of this inquiry, it was a month old after all. Anyways, flash forward to 15 minutes later. I get a facebook message from the rescue... because I went to high school with the person running the rescue! Small world ain't it? She told me that the piggies were still available, after I answered the basic adoption form questions she said I sounded like the perfect owner for the pigs.

Here's the thing, there was always a chance that the new pigs would not get along with Nellie and Maggie, if that was the case I offered to foster the pigs until a better home could be found. We settled on that agreement Thursday. So... when I wrote that post about wanting new pigs I actually had these pigs lined up. I would've mentioned 'em, but I didn't want to jinx anything.

I arranged to pick them up yesterday. Once I met the new pigs I knew they'd be mine. They were so friggin cute! First thing I did though was double checked that they were all girls. Seriously, whenever you obtain a guinea pig CHECK THE GENDER FIRST! Once I was certain they were all girls they were placed in a box and into my car (the box had a seatbelt around it). They were very good during the car ride and barely made a peep, granted that was probably because they were freaking terrified. By this point Nellie and Maggie were clearly sad so I wanted to get this introduction over with ASAP. They needed friends damn it! So the new pigs were placed in a giant playpen in my living room with Nellie, Maggie and a big ass bowl of salad. The biggest tip I can give anyone who is introducing pigs is feed them. The food distracts them enough and kinda works as a "peace pipe". The introduction went fairly smoothly. Two of the new pigs and Maggie quickly accepted recessive roles. However Nellie and one of the new pigs did not. New pig thought SHE was the boss and Nellie thought SHE was the boss. So they spent an hour running around the cage and biting each other's butts. I supervised with a towel to break up any bad fights, but I mostly let them work it out. Remember, as long as no blood is shed they're ok. Eventually they got tired and stopped fighting. By this point all of the other pigs were sleeping so I declared the introduction a success. I put all five pigs in their new cage expecting a new battle but I was pleasantly surprised. The new pigs were like "THERE ARE SO MANY TOYS HERE" and happily roamed around the cage. Nellie would periodically bite one in the ass, but again to be expected. Maggie clearly does not like change as she spent a few hours hiding in a corner. The cute thing was one of the new pigs loves Maggie, she would sit by her while she was cowering in fear. Again, no blood was drawn so that means that over the next few days the "Quints" will learn to be buddies. That also means that I am again the proud owner of six guinea pigs.

Wanna meet my new babies?!?!

This is Eleanor, she is a grey, cream, roan and white shorthair. Her coloring is so unique, I love it. She is the one who was fighting with Nellie. Even though she is the dominant one of the new pigs she's very timid at the moment. She SCREAMS when you touch her in the cage (she's louder than Aggie which says something) but once you remove her from the cage and put her on your lap she turns into quite the snugglebug. She kinda reminds me of Emma sometimes.

This is Prudence. She's a white, cream, black, and chocolate brown shorthair. Again, beautiful color and such a pretty face. She is, without question, the sweetest freakin' thing I've ever seen in my life. She is enthralled with Maggie and she LOVES her new humans. She loves to give nuzzles and kisses. She was actually kissing my grandma's face earlier. SO DAMN ADORABLE!

Last but not least, this is Lucy. She's a black, red and white shorthair. She has the same coloring as Frida and some of her marking are similar. I think she is a month or two younger than the other two. Here she is sleeping through the introduction. Lucy can be best described as "special", apart from sleeping through intros her hobbies include fearlessly wandering the cage, outsmarting other pigs for food, sleeping by water bottles, and apparently swimming. As if her having similar markings and colors to Frida, they also share a similar manner when dealing with humans. Lucy's idea of being affectionate is nibbling you. Not quite as painful as a bite, but not a pleasant experience. Oh well... nothin' time won't fix. In the meantime, Lucy can only be handled by people who don't mind the nibbles.

I cannot begin to describe how happy all of the humans in house are. We felt incomplete before them. Losing Mama Pig and Frida in such a short time put a massive hole in our hearts. I'm actually getting kinda emotional right now just thinking about them. Lucy, Eleanor and Prudence are not "replacement pigs". I will never be able to replace Frida, regardless of how Lucy is eerily similar to her at times. Prudence is quite the cuddler, but she's not Mama Pig. Eleanor is a cuddly lil' butthole, but she's not Emma. Now that all the pigs are settling in everything feels as it should. Everything is back to normal, a new normal, but a normal nonetheless.

Crippie's Tippie - Never buy a pig from a pet store, always adopt

Monday, July 22, 2013


Ohai Y'all!

I want to thank you guys again for all of your kind words. The past week has been extraordinarily difficult, but I think I'm on the mend.

This weekend was Cripplefest, and I had an absolute blast. We had 48 people at my house. Old cripples, adult cripples, teenage cripples, kiddie cripples and even baby cripples all under one roof! We discussed doctors, scars, tumors (and what to name them), and more. All the kiddie cripples played soccer on a completely even playing field, granted those kids didn't need an even playing field... they were wicked good at it. The only difference was that they knew not to whack the kid with the fixator on his arm. Personally, I had a hula-hooping competition with some little girls. I was nice and let 'em win, plus I taught them some tricks. Surprisingly I didn't get the crap beat outta me by small children. Quite the contrary actually... one of the baby cripples took a little snooze on my lap. The kiddie cripples also enjoyed carrying Helen around (she got food out of the deal, so she didn't care) and petting Nellie, Maggie and Aggie.

I think it's safe to say that Cripplefest was an immense success. Cripples got to meet other cripples for the first time, they got support, and they got to be normal. Not to mention everyone got cake pops, the cake pops alone made the day awesome.

So yeah, that was my weekend... it was crazy but I loved every minute of it. Things are still a little nuts around here, we've got some relatives staying with us and... um... what else? There was something else I wanted to tell you guys but I forgot...

Oh right... I acquired some pigs a few hours ago!!! I'll post more about 'em tomorrow. I'm pretty sure this proves that I am in fact, insane.

Crippie's Tippie - I know having a disability can make you feel extremely isolated, but you are NOT alone. There are people out there who understand what you're going through.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Three Is Not A Crowd

Hey Guys,

Thank you so much for your kind words on my last post. It really means a lot to me. I know I've lost pigs in the past and I was incredibly sad when I lost Emma and Mama Pig... but I am devastated that I lost Frida. She was always MY pig, we had a special bond. I'll never find another pig like her. I wish she was here with me, but alas she can't be... and I have to try to move on.

First and foremost, I have to make sure my piggies are ok. As always, I am checking Nellie and Maggie for signs of depression. I especially concerned about them because Frida died in her cage. They saw her, they KNEW she was gone. Mama and Emma died in quarantine cages. Maggie has been very mopey, she spent most of Monday in one of their hide-y houses. I actually removed the house to encourage some movement from her. It seems to have helped a little, but the laziness could be from the weather as well. I wasn't exactly worried for Nellie at first, on the count that she is as dumb as rock but over the past few days she's taken the habit of laying where Frida died. Frida died out in the open, not in a hide-y house, not in a corner, nothing. So for her to be there on more than one occasion is concerning me to say the least. I'm looking into long term solutions to keep them happy and healthy. Part of me wonders if I missed some signs of depression in Frida, that she had some sickness that slowly took over once Mama died. I dunno... but I cannot take that chance. For the time being I keeping them happy by given them extra snuggles, but more importantly delicious food. Let's face it, in the short term, food makes them happier. They got a fair amount of peppers on Monday (again, peppers are really great for pigs, they should have the red or yellow ones whenever possible). Today they got several super delicious treats. I gave them frozen watermelon cubes, yummy! Seriously, all pig owners going through this heatwave need to obtain some watermelon, cut it into cubes, put the cubes into the freezer until they are completely frozen, let them thaw a little and then give them to the piggies. This can also apply to cucumbers. Last thing I need is a pig to die of a heatstroke.

As for me, I'm just trying to keep busy. Making sure I keep Maggie and Nellie alive consumes some of my time... but it's depressing. Looking at their massive cage and seeing just two pigs there. It looks so... empty. I don't like that it's empty. I don't like that I only need three treats to feed all the pigs. Obviously there is only one solution to this... MOAR PIGS. Yup, I am looking to expand my piggie family. I would simply put Aggie in with Maggie and Nellie but that is a TERRIBLE idea. Aggie's nickname is "Fat Bastard" not only is she a fat ass, she's vicious with pigs she doesn't like. This attitude has caused injuries to both Maggie and Aggie in the past, so it is simply not worth the risk. Now, one does not simply acquire new pigs. I refuse to go to a pet store, so I'll just have to keep my eyes peeled on petfinder and Craigslist until someone catches my eye. I guess I'm looking for a new friend for Maggie and Nellie, but also a new friend for me too.

Apart from the pig hunt, I have Cripplefest to keep me occupied and happy. As sad as I may be at the moment I'm still very much looking forward to seeing my cripples and being attacked by a bunch of mini-cripples. I'm hoping that seeing a massive amount of cripple friends will help me cope with the loss of my furry friend.

Ugh... I don't know if it's just me... but it feels like there's been so much death recently. Actually, I kinda hope that's just me. I don't want any of my comrades to be sad. To make up for this extraordinarily depressing post, here's a picture of Helen being lady-like...

Ain't she a classy broad? Well, I reckon I should make an attempt at getting some sleep. Here's to hoping that all of our tomorrows will be better :)

Crippie's Tippie - Frozen fruits and veggies keep your pigs cool and content.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Lovely Frida

Poker Face by Lady Gaga on Grooveshark

Hey Guys,

I don't know how to even start this post, so I'm just gonna say it. Frida got sick over the weekend and she passed away early this morning. To say that I'm devastated is a vast understatement.

We originally got guinea pigs for my sister. We intended on getting two, BUT there were three babies. My mom picked out baby Emma first, because she was s'darn cute. My sister had the choice between picking Nellie and Frida and she chose Nellie. Thus Mama and Frida were left at the pet store. I didn't mind at the time because believe it or not I didn't want any pets, at all. Well, over the next couple of months I realized how awesome piggies were, so when we spotted Mama Pig and Frida still in the store a few months later we happily scooped them up. 

Nellie was my sister's pig, Emma was my mother's, Mama Pig was my Grandmother's and Frida was mine. I named her Frida after my favorite artist, Frida Kahlo. The black stripe over her eye reminded me of her unibrow. FUN FACT: I was originally going to name her Zora, because the black markings on her face kinda reminded of Zorro's mask. She didn't look like a Zora and she became Frida. Anyway, as soon as Frida got home she snuggled up with me, she was extraordinarily content, then I touched in a spot where she didn't want to be touched and she bit me. In other words, she was always a cuddly, vicious little butthead. 

Frida was always above the other pigs, literally, as she would use the faces of her cagemates as step-ladders. Need a carrot? Just step on Mama Pig's face! Need lettuce? Just step on Mama Pig's face! Want to see out of the cage? Just step on Mama Pig's face! Need to make sure you are fed before Mama Pig? Yup, you guessed it... FACE. Mama Pig usually forgave her though, I mean how could you not forgive that face.

Don't let the cuteness fool you, she was an asshole at times. She used to nip and occasionally bite people frequently. Guests were urged to approach Frida with caution and children were NOT allowed to touch her. People admired her from afar. In her younger days Frida was the reason she and Mama were not housed with Emma and Nellie. The one time I had Frida and Emma together for a playdate Frida almost bit Emma's leg off (And Emma could hold her own in a fight). Over the years though she learned that she could love piggies other than Mama.

Once they were combined into a cage, Mama Pig, Nellie and Frida became best buddies. Frida and Nellie hardly fought and having a new friend made Frida so much happier. She was a changed piggie! No more were the days of constantly yelling "GET OFF OF HER FACE FRIDA! SHE'S YOUR MOTHER!" Frida was now a kind, snuggly, no bite-y pig. She didn't even mind when I added Maggie into their mix. I thought that Maggie and Frida would kill each other but surprisingly they became fast friends. Maggie was even seen giving Frida kisses last night. Nellie would snuggle up to Frida whenever I put her back in the cage after giving her medicine. 

Frida loved food. I mean she LOVED it. And it showed, she developed quite an impressive double chin which she used as a comfy pillow. If you pushed all of her fur up she kinda looked like a lion, and her head would almost be in the shape of a perfect circle. 

She was funny, for a guinea pig she had very specific tastes when it came to music. She loved Lady Gaga, particularly the song "Pokerface". I played it for her last night on my phone, she perked up and relaxed. She was also a champion tinkler. God help you if her butt wasn't on the towel. One time she shot pee clear across my sofa, the entire couch had to be washed. 

She enjoyed a good nap

A good grooming

And a good snuggle

She let you know when she was going to keeeeeeeeeeel you

Even if she was going to kill you, she'd forgive you if bribed her with food and or tummy rubs.

Frida would have turned 5 in October. She is predeceased by her sister Emma and mother Mama Pig. Frida is survived by sister Nellie, roomie Maggie, loud neighbor across the room Aggie, those giant creatures who stayed with her last night Helen and Angel, and her humans all of whom miss her greatly. Goodnight Frida, I hope you have an unlimited supply of peppers, watermelon, and faces to step on. You were the best guinea pig anyone could ask for. Mommy misses you so much and I'll never forget you.

Viva Frida

Crippie's Tippie - Don't take your pets for granted, their time with you is far too short :(

Thursday, July 11, 2013

The Rain in Spain Mainly Causes Me Pain

Oh hello!

I think it's pretty clear that I love me punny titles.

Gotta say, I have to thank you guys for being awesome and not spamming my email and or comment section with hurtful comments. GO YOU! I love mature adults sometimes <3 (Anyone who blogs will know the feeling)

Movin' on, my week's been pretty good. The only thing that has sucked is the weather. I don't know about you guys but mother nature hates me. I can stand the heatwave well enough, but we've been in a constant state of "Chance of Thunderstorms Everyday" for the past 2 weeks or so. Naturally it really hasn't rained yet. So I'm constantly feeling like ITS GON RAIN! Ugh... not fun. A few days ago at work I was on my feet for maybe 10 minutes, if that... and my back was killing me the rest of the day because of it. WTF?!?!?! For the record, I can stand, but standing in the same place for more than a few minutes causes unwanted pressure on my hips, knees, and back apparently. 

Oh well, I reckon the show must go on. Crippie is going to be a social creature this weekend, doin' stuff... and thaaaaannnnnngggsss. And... um... NEXT SUNDAY IS CRIPPLEFEST! OMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!! I'm so freaking excited for it! I hear there will be a bunch of small children there, which only means one thing... I will get the crap beat outta me by a gang of small humans. Ya see, Crippie is one of those people who enjoys roughhousing with small children. I don't particularly mind being beaten up by a bunch of three-year-old because 99% of the time I'm asking for it. Needless to say it will be a freaking awesome couple of weeks ahead of me and I am very much looking forward to them! :D

Crippie's Tippie - Don't let pain get in the way of doing stuff and thangs

Monday, July 8, 2013

Damned If You Jew


I hope all of my American readers had a dandy fourth of July! Mine went pretty well. My sister and I cooked a rather nomerful dinner for the family. My job was to cook hamburgers. The house didn't burn down and no one got food poisoning so I consider my venture into cooking vastly successful. I was also able to see some lovely fireworks by walking down my road and standing on a neighbor's lawn. The neighbor's Puggle (Pug and Beagle mix) wasn't exactly fond of my presence. It was basically saying "RUB MY TUMMY OR GTFO", so the Puggle got belly rubs while we watched the fireworks.

Yup, that was my fourth of July. Alas, my fourth of July weekend kinda sucked. I attended the funeral for my childhood friend. That of course is insanely sad to begin with and that alone could have easily made for an incredibly somber weekend. But, as luck would have it events at said funeral made it worse. The minister or whoever was proceeding over the service in an attempt to comfort everyone in the room started on this whole big "believe in Jesus and you will get into heaven" speech. So Crippie, along with a fair amount of people in the room (including members of my friend's family) were damned to hell! Funness! I've been damned to hell before in other religious ceremonies before and I usually don't take much offense to it. But I came to that funeral to mourn my friend, not to be to told that "Jesus is your key to heaven". That put an additional damper on the weekend that's for sure.

The cherry on top was when the idiot minister started talking about how this was all part of "God's plan". I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but I genuinely do not understand how that can be seen as comforting and frankly I find it upsetting. God wanted my friend to die? God wants a family to suffer? What kind of loving God would do that? This doesn't just apply to this one situation, but in life as a whole. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard something along the lines of "Your disability is part of God's plan for you". God wanted me to be like this? The hell man? God wants me to learn some valuable lesson? If God was so all powerful he'd be able to find better ways to go about these lessons. Is it a test? Something like the Book of Job? If so, that's equally stupid. God destroys Job's life to prove a point to the devil, why should God care about what the devil thinks anyway? Sure, he "gives it back" in the end, but I doubt that Job forgot about the family he lost.

Since I'm going on and on about how much I disagree with this theory I should probably state my own. Clearly I'm not a terribly religious person, but my answer as to why terrible things like this happen is this... There is no reason as to why these things happen. They just do unfortunately. We can try to learn from what we have experienced and let the terrible events mold us into better people or we can let them ruin us. The choice is up to you and you alone.

Again, I'm sorry if I offended anyone, these opinions are mine and mine alone. I completely understand that everyone has the right to believe whatever their little hearts desire. If you believe that God has a plan for everyone and that makes you happy, good for you. I'd never flat out call anyone an idiot for believing that. Just a heads up for people who do believe that, be careful when trying to comfort someone in a time of great hardship. It might comfort them sure, but they could also share Crippie's philosophy and get pissed.

What do y'all think? Am I missing the point of something? Feel free to comment and explain the God's Plan thing to me, I'm genuinely curious as to how it is seen as comforting.

To make up for the heavyness of this post, here's Helen contemplating life
Who am I? What am I? Where am I?

Crippie's Tippie - Believe whatever makes you happy

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Crippie's Mixtape Madness! CURRENT STUFF!

Greetings Y'all!

See, I'm trying to get back into the swing of things here. I hope y'all had good Wednesdays. Mine was alright. Found out one of my buddies from elementary school passed away last Friday so I'm pretty bummed about that. If you are keeping track at home... I lost an Aunt and Mama Pig in March, and I lost an uncle while I was taking my extended break (I think it was in late May... I dunno anymore). Yeah... if people could stop dying that'd be great.

Alas, the show must go on. Tonight I'm distracting myself with music. Made a nifty mixtape for y'all. I'm thinking I'll do a playlist once a week. Sound good?

Tonight I'm gonna do some "current" music that I like. By current I mean within the last decade or so. I don't know about you guys but I'm really enjoying the folk revival going on right now... THE BANJO IS COOL AGAIN!!!

What's your opinion of tonight's mix? Bad? Good? Does it need more cowbell? If anyone wants to recommend any artists or genres for me to try... go for it. I'll probably make more current-ish playlists... I just remembered a bunch of songs I like. 

Crippie's Tippie - Do not take people for granted, long lives are not a guarantee 

Lego My Leg-O!


I hope y'all are having a fabulous week. My week's been pretty fair thus far. I saw an AMAZING production of "God of Carnage" over the weekend and I was a social creature and watched movies with a friend. YAY for doing things! I don't know about you guys, but the weather by me SUCKS... this is the second straight week of rain every day. In other words, when I'm not making a conscious effort to be a social creature I am in bed with Glenn the heatpack (yup, that sounds dirty).

Helen and Angel have had an eventful week thus far. They were groomed and got their summer puppy cuts. Helen will probably never forgive us. Angel thinks she looks thinner now, and uses that as an excuse to demand more treats. The piggies have also had an event week. They realized I periodically hide salad around their cage and someone switched their round food bowl to an oval food bowl. You'd think that wouldn't matter, but it confused the daylights outta them. The piggies also got peppers (one of the best foods for pigs, apart from lettuce) so they are all chubby and content.

Moving on, I saw this awesome video before and I need to share it with y'all...
SHE MADE A PROSTHETIC LEG OUTTA LEGOS! OH MY FREAKING GOD THAT'S AWESOME!!! On an unrelated note, I think her tattoos are awesome as well.

The video got me thinking... what would I do if I were in that situation? Oh if I ever lost my legs... *starts singing "Moonshadow" and wanders away from the computer* hmm... maybe I'd get a peg leg and dress like a pirate 24/7. OR maybe I'd find a bunch of "Lisa Frank" stickers all over my prosthetic. Needless to say, I'd make sure my new leg looked shnazzy. Maybe I'd pull a Frida Kahlo, putting jingle bells all over my fabulous leg. Hey... if ya got it... flaunt it.

Not gonna lie... I spent a good long while thinking what I'd do if I ever lost a leg. I did also think about what would happen if I lost an arm. The answer there was simple... go all "Walking Dead" and duct tape a big ass knife to it. Yup... just go full Merle.

And that ladies and gentlemen is how Crippie spent her night because I was really too uncomfortable to do much else!

So what about you guys? What would you do if you found yourselves in that situation? Do you have a prosthetic limb? Did you pimp it out?

Crippie's Tippie - SAVE YOUR LEGOS! They might come in very handy one day.

PS - Since Google Reader has shut down you can follow my blog on Bloglovin'
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