Thursday, May 31, 2012

Well, There's Your Problem


The Mama Pig Update - Mama continues to stabilize. She still not 100% back to normal. I'd probably say she's about 90%. Crippie is gonna monitor her throughout the day tomorrow since I don't have work. Since Mama Pig is feeling better I can finally devote more time to my other piggies. Tonight I was chilling with Nellie. Nellie missed all the snuggles.
I call this look "Stare Vacantly at the Wall While Mommy Gives Me Rubs"
Crippie was supposed to have her second MRI in a few hours. BUT we ended up canceling it. Why? Because the people at the radiologist's office called us and said that the first MRI should provide my doctor with all of the information he needs. Crippie is gonna pick up the MRI disc tomorrow and send it to my doctor. If this is the case, that my problems are so blatantly obvious that a second MRI is not needed... CRIPPIE REALLY WANTS TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON! Crippie is pretty sure that Fanny is pressing on the sciatic nerve but I have no clue with what's causing my sitting problems. I really hope the answer is super obvious and more importantly, super easy to treat. Although, Crippie is being very cautious about this new development of sorts, cause let's face it, the radiology office could just be seeing tumors and assuming that they are the cause of my problems. Once Crippie's ortho sees the images from my first MRI he'll let us know whether I need another MRI or not. 

The heat wave has been continuing by me. It was again insanely hot on Tuesday. Crippie shockingly decided to wear shorts to work (it's hot and our dress code is very relaxed). I'll admit even though I am ok with showing my legs and my scars to random people, I was afraid that my coworkers would notice all my scars. Yes, I already walk with a cane so it's kinda obvious that something ain't right... but I don't like having my coworkers know the extent of my crippledness. I'm afraid that once I make it really obvious people will always treat me "special". For now they treat me like any other coworker, I like being treated like a normal and I thought showing my scars might jeopardize that. That being said, it was insanely hot and my office is full of windows and not so stellar AC. So, Crippie again decided to put on her big girl panties, suck it up, and put on the damn shorts. Much to my surprise no one noticed or cared about my legs! No one said a word to me, no one asked what happened to my leg, NOTHING! Well, I could tell that someone was staring at my leg at one point... but still... not bad. Crippie has to remember that adults have better things to do than notice my legs. That's probably one of my favorite parts about being surrounded by adults, they treat me like a normal human being. I reckon I'm still transitioning from being around younger, dumber people who would treat me like crap because of the whole cripple thing. 

Before I depart for the night, Crippie has to give a quick shout out to my Mom & Dad. Yesterday was their 25th wedding anniversary! Happy Silver Anniversary!!! <3

Crippie's Tippie - Just because a problem is visible to you, that doesn't mean that everyone else will notice it.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Piggie Post - Beat The Heat


Crippie hopes all of her crippled comrades enjoyed their weekends. Today (yesterday, whatever) was again stupidly hot. I didn't do a whole lot today, I mainly rested and played with the pets. Crippie did manage to take Mama Pig out for a drive. My sister needed some driving practice so this seemed like a perfect time for Mama Pig to tag along. Everything for the most part went as planned, Mama freaked out and pooped. One thing I stupidly did not think about was how hot it was going to be in the car. It was well over 90 degrees outside and an air conditioner will only go so far. Guinea Pigs are very sensitive to heat and a heat stroke can easily kill them. I realized this when Mama Pig had calmed down in the car and fell asleep. At most it could've been 85 degrees in the car while we were driving around (driving slowly so the AC isn't too strong). Luckily she wasn't exposed to the heat for a terribly long period of time. When Crippie returned home Mama Pig was wiped out. She went straight into her cage and passed out in a tunnel. After I observed her for a few minutes I realized that she didn't look happy and was probably really hot and uncomfortable. So, Crippie took the following steps to revive Mama Pig.

1) Get some cold water and put it a little bowl
2) Get an ice cube or two and put in the water
3) Let the water get really cold for a minute
4) Syringe feed the pig the water (1 or 2 cc's)
5) When you're done feeding the pig, use your fingers or the syringe to put some water on the pig itself. Just enough so the pig is slightly damp and cooled down, not so much that the pig is soaked

I cannot begin to tell you guys how much Mama Pig enjoyed this treatment. When I took her out of her cage to be fed she was tired and not happy. She started purring the instant that she starting drinking. She gobbled up the water, purred while she swallowed, and demanded more. I used the syringe to drop little drops of water on to her skin and then massaged them in. She purred even more while I was doing this. It was pretty much a non-stop purr-fest. When I was done Mama Pig looked refreshed and happy. I continued to give her freezing cold water periodically over the next hour or so just to be on the safe side. Crisis averted.
It's hot in here Mommy! 
Now, when it does get hot like this piggie owners need to make sure their pigs stay cool. When I'm not almost accidentally killing pigs I try to make sure that they are always cool when they're in their cages. We have an AC unit in the room next to them which makes for a very pleasant overall temperature, and their cages are placed near a ceiling fan, which we constantly have running on low to keep air circulating around them. Pig owners need to have a plan B for the event of a black out or a broken AC unit. Crippie's plan B includes the following...
1) Reusable cold packs are kept in my freezer at all times, in the event of a black out they would be covered with a sock or some form of fabric and put in the cages.
2) Freezing cold water - ice cubes in their water bottles to keep them refreshed
3) Portable fans placed very closely to the cage
4) Give 'em a cold-ish bath if all else fails

Also, during the summer months Piggies enjoy their frozen treats. Watermelon, blueberries, carrots, cucumbers, etc make fantastic summer treats. My piggies love watermelon more than life itself.

Crippie's Tippie - If it's really hot outside... KEEP YOUR PIG'S INSIDE AND COOL

Monday, May 28, 2012

Screw It, I'm Puttin' Shorts On

Crippie has oodles of things to discuss with y'all!

First and foremost, Crippie hopes everyone is enjoying their Memorial Day weekend. While we are enjoying our time off, let us take a moment to remember everyone who gave their lives for this country. May they rest in peace. 

The Mama Pig Update - Mama is continuing to stabilize. She had two whole days without monitoring! I monitored her for about 2 hours today, she wasn't gassy at all and she was able to poop. She's not completely recovered yet, and I'll probably take her for a drive tomorrow to really get the gears going. Crippie cannot even begin to tell you guys how relieved I am that she is improving. When she first got sick I thought I was gonna lose her. It's been a rough couple of weeks with her, but all the work and worrying seems to have paid off. Crippie really can't say this enough, pigs are hard work. If I hadn't done anything to help Mama she wouldn't be here now. 

Next, it has come to my attention that I am probably offending a bunch of people by calling people without disabilities "Normals". To the readers who are offended... I'm sorry if I am offending you, but I just as I use the word "cripple" I mean no harm. I like to think of it like Harry Potter. There are people who possess magical powers (witches and wizards) and people who do not possess magical powers (muggles). It is easier to say "muggle" versus "people who do have magic powers". Yes, Crippie is well aware that just because a person is not disabled that doesn't mean they are normal and that their lives are full of sunshine are unicorns. I know that there is no such thing as a normal person and that everyone is messed up in some way or another. But for the purposes of this blog, which mainly pertains to disability it makes sense to classify people who have disabilities and people who don't.

I call people without disabilities "Normals" simply because I couldn't find a better word for 'em. Believe me I thought about it. Crippie thought about "Healthy" but that didn't really make sense. "Able-bodied" was also in the maybe pile, but that sounded like I was excluding people with mental illnesses. Someone jokingly said I should call 'em "Bloods" but that would have been reaaaaaaalllllyyyy racist and offensive. If anyone can come up with a better name please let me know. I'd love to see what y'all come up with. 

Moving on, I don't know about you guys, but it was really freakin' hot today. So hot that Crippie needed to wear shorts. Why is that such a big deal? Because my legs aren't exactly my best asset and I don't particularly care for exposing them. Crippie's general approach to clothing would be to highlight the assets and minimize the less awesome parts of you. Anything above the knee tends to make the imperfections in my legs more obvious, so I usually stick to knee length skirts and shorts. I'm  not saying "OMG my legs are sooooooo ugly and deformed I hate them", but everyone has a not so awesome "problem area" and mine is my legs. But the today's heat called for above the knee shorts. So Crippie put on her big girl panties, and then put on her only pair of above the knee shorts. I must say, it felt kinda liberating. Sure, my legs are still not awesome, but I really do not give a crap! Crippie will always notice and focus on the problems with my legs, but most normals don't see anything wrong with 'em... well... except for the giant scar running down my leg, but I think of that as a conversation piece. To prove my point, here's Crippie's leggies... and yes, for Crippie those are really short shorts (modesty is the best policy!)
My conversation piece, it's won several scar wars

My leggies

Left leg, showin' off three of my surgical sites. 

I thought I had mosquito bites on my leg, turns out they are tumors on my ankle, SWEET! 
See, even though I see a lotta things wrong with my legs I can recognize that they're not terrible. Who knows, maybe I'll wear a skirt without tights to work this week! SCANDALOUS! 

Random, I finally saw "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo". Crippie loved it, especially the opening graphics, sooooooooooo shnazzzzzzy.

Crippie's Tippie - Chances are your body doesn't suck as much as you think it does

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Crippie (Finally) Has An MRI


The Mama Pig Update - Mama Pig was stable today, and more importantly very perky and happy. She had lots of noms and was overall very active. I opted to just keep her in the cage tonight. I checked on her around midnight and she was still very happy, active, and hungry. All very good things because if she was uncomfortable she'd be a sad little pig. I'll have time this weekend to observe her more extensively.

Now on to the big event of the day... MRI #1: Right Hip. Crippie had a very pleasant experience. All the people there were super nice. I had a very interesting conversation with the person who was asking me all the basic questions...
Tech - So you have a genetic disorder?
Crippie - Yup
Tech - How many surgeries have you had?
Crippie - 10
Tech - And this is your first MRI?
Crippie - Yup
Tech - How the hell did you avoid an MRI for this long?
Crippie - No clue

Since Crippie planned ahead and didn't wear anything metal, I didn't have to change into a gown, YAY ME! So while Crippie was waiting for the MRI I did what any mature adult would do, I took some pictures of myself making funny faces.

Once the MRI was available two techs came to help Crippie get settled. I mentioned my concerns about Fanny so they got some extra cushioning, without it I would have been very uncomfortable. After I got all comfy they let me pick out some music... this also involved a funny convo
Tech 1 - Okay, I know it's nothing spectacular, but we've got Billy Joel, Elton John, Classical Music, and something else that Crippie forgot
Crippie - Elton John please
Tech 2 - Do you say that to all the people here?
Tech 1 - What"
Tech 2 - The whole nothing spectacular thing?
Tech 1 - I guess... Why?
Tech 2- You've probably offended sooooooooooooooooo many of our patients
Crippie - *sarcastically* OMGGGGG I like Elton John and Billy Joel... you're meeeeeeeaaaaaaannnnn
Tech 2 - See

The MRI itself was a breeze. The noise that everyone was telling me about was very much bearable. Some of the vibrations felt a little weird, but they didn't hurt or anything. The only thing that was a tiny bit uncomfortable was that shield thing they put over my hip, but even that wasn't terrible. Crippie just looked at the ceiling and hummed along with "Rocket Man", and 6 Elton John songs later the MRI was over! I'll admit I was teensy bit light-headed when I left, that went away in about 20 minutes or so. But hey, overall I'd say it was a very pleasant experience.

After the MRI Crippie went to work for a few hours, then I came home and rested for the remainder of the day. I can't' wait to get my results, my hip is freakin' killing me.

Crippie's Tippie - Be vocal about your concerns when having any type of procedure or test done. 

Friday, May 25, 2012

Any News Is Good News


The Mama Pig Update - Mama Pig seems to be stable during the days. She's got a spark in her eyes and is very spritely. Nighttime is still an issue though. She was very gassy while I was monitoring her tonight. I guess it's good that she's able to pass it, but it shouldn't be there in the first place. I'm tempted to give her more anti-gas medicine tomorrow... maybe. On the bright side she was still very perky while I was monitoring her. She had lots of treats and took a few poops. Maybe I'll take her out for a drive over the weekend to scare some crap outta her. Overall, not much change with the poops, but she is getting perkier... which is very reassuring.

Eight hours from now Crippie will be in that nifty MRI machine. Crippie can't say that she's worried though. I'm definitely curious as to what this "sound" that everyone keeps telling me about will be like and if I can tolerate it. My only concern would be if  I'd have to sit on a hard surface with no cushioning, purely because Fanny the Ass Tumor is freakin' huge and it hurts when I have to lie down on anything hard. I also wonder what the MRI technician will say when he/she sees my scan. When Crippie had a body scan done a few years back the technician was like "WTF". The guy was not expecting to see my skeleton in that condition to say the least :D

People have asked me if I'm worried about the results of these MRI's. Honestly, Crippie isn't worried. Something is wrong with my hips, that's pretty obvious. Since there is no "GREAT NEWS, YOUR MRI SHOWS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU" scenario... Crippie has braced herself and accepted that something is wrong, something will more than likely be found on the MRI, and I will need surgery to correct it. Even though Crippie is pretty sure that the results of this MRI will be "Ohaiiii, that giant tumor on your ass is irritating your sciatic nerve... it needs to come out". There are other possibilities, like other sneaky tumors causing the problem, but I don't think that's the case. In this instance, any new that tells me what's going on is good news.

That's not to say there couldn't be bad news here, Fanny's somewhat rapid growth makes her a special, higher risk tumor. With MHE, there is always a chance that your tumors could become cancerous. I've had special high-risk tumors before and thankfully I've had them removed before they had the chance to become bone cancer. Worst case scenario of this MRI is that I find out that Fanny is malignant. If that's the case surgery would be muuuuuucccccchhhhhhhh sooner rather than later. Although *knock on wood* I doubt that Fanny is cancerous, she doesn't cause me any real pain.

At the end of the day... my hip freakin' hurts, I want it to stop hurting. I don't care if it means having my 11th surgery and a scar on my ass. I'm not worried about having surgery. I don't care about the week or two of pain. I want my damn hip to stop hurting all the time. This is why Crippie is not nervous, Crippie is busy focusing on getting rid of the pain. Keep your fingers crossed for me my fellow crippled comrades!

Crippie's Tippie - Might seem obvious, but dress appropriately for an MRI, absolutely no metal. Crippie is wearing leggings, a tunic, and shoes with no metal.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Let the MRI's Begin!


The Mama Pig Update - Crippie had Mama Pig out for monitoring twice today. The first time was in the mid-afternoon. She was very perky and in a very poopie mood. That was certainly reassuring to see that during the day she is more or less normal. The second monitoring was at night. Crippie decided to give her a verrrrryyyyyy small amount of baby anti-gas medicine. The medicine does cause some loose poopies so Mama Pig wasn't terribly happy. It's one of those things where it sucks temporarily but will be good for her in the long run. She was definitely less gassy by the time I put her back in the cage. If y'all are wondering, you can tell a pig is gassy by flicking their tummies. It might sound cruel but if a pig is gassy you hear a very hallow echo when you flick them. Hopefully tomorrow she'll start feeling a little better. We're also have to do some laundry tomorrow so she'll be sitting on top of the washer for awhile. If the whole no pooping trend continues Crippie's next move will be to put Mama Pig in her piggie carrier, put her in my car, and drive around for a while. The car's vibrations can help her tummy plus the car ride would scare the crap out of her, figuratively and literally. I've heard that people have had a lot of success of people helping their pigs by scaring the living daylights out of them. As for the whole "potential ovarian cyst" issue, Crippie is monitoring her and waiting to see if she shows more symptoms. The main symptom Crippie is waiting for is basically a PMSing pig. If Mama had cysts she'd be a hormonal wreck. So far she's been the same old, kind and docile Mama.
A very pooped out Mama Pig

Crippie can't thank y'all enough for your kind words over the past couple of days, your support means so much to me. Mama Pig also appreciates all the purrs and ninja vibes. Having the support of others definitely makes life easier.

Well, it took 20 days but Crippie was finalllllyyyyyyyy able to make appointments for her MRI's. They couldn't do my pelvis and my hip MRI's at the same time so I'll have to go on two separate days. I'm getting my hip MRI on Friday and my pelvic MRI next Thursday. YIPPIEEEEE! Crippie isn't nervous about the pending MRI's and their results. I'm more curious than anything. Crippie thinks Fanny the Ass tumor is the cause of my sciatica, but will the MRI agree? Crippie is reaaallllyyyyyy curious about the pelvic scan because I have no freakin' idea what's going on there. My doctor thinks it's because I'm skinny and I sit a lot, but sometimes it literally feels like I'm sitting on a rock. Only time will tell I reckon. The MRI's don't require contrast dye so I'm rather happy about that.

So that's pretty much all that's going on here, I'm gonna try and get a picture of Mama on the washing machine tomorrow ;)

Crippie's Tippie - I know it seems like a horrible idea... but sometimes scaring the bejeezus out of a pig can be helpful. Apart from the whole pooping issue it can help with a difficult introduction (they pigs focus on being scared and not hating eachother, they also bond about being so damn scared). 

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Crippie Says The Darndest Things!


The Mama Pig Update - It was another off night for Mama Pig. I took her out for monitoring and she was gassy and not pooping again. I did the toothbrush massages and forced her to wee a little and eventually she pooped. While I was massaging Mama I noticed that she is experiencing some hair loss on her sides. I went on the internet to see what in the hell was going on and I didn't get any clear answers. Generally speaking hair loss on a female guinea pig's sides screams Ovarian Cysts. The thing is she doesn't display any other symptoms of ovarian cysts... at all. Crippie will continue to observe her to see if I notice any of the other symptoms of cysts. I really hope she doesn't have cysts, they have nothing to do with her current issues. My gut is telling me that Mama Pig is pulling the hair out because her tummy hurts. Crippie is gonna change her game plan a little... I'm gonna stop using the toothbrush as a precaution (I dunno if it could rupture a cyst) and will switch to letting Mama Pig ride on top of the washing machine (a gentler less concentrated vibration). I'm also gonna obtain that baby probiotic and start Mama on that.

Nooooooowwww, about that whole Crippie Rant last night... Crippie has a clearer head today, I do regret how certain things came out and I'm so sorry if I offended anyone. "Normals" complaining about trivial things has to be my number one pet peeve, and I guess seeing an overload of whining from a bunch of people kinda sent me over the edge. But overall, Crippie doesn't regret it. I felt like it had to be said. And if anyone is wondering Crippie and her friend had a dandy talk about everything and we totally patched everything up, so in that regard I'm really glad I had that little rant. But in all seriousness, Crippie thinks that people (no one in particular) need to stop focusing on how much their lives suck and instead focus on the positives. The positives might be harder to spot sometimes, but they without a doubt exist.

Since the blog has kinda taken a "cripples vs. normals" turn for the past few days, I figured I'd answer a related Crippie Question. "Why do you take offense to people calling you an inspiration? Last time I checked that was a compliment". Alright, here's the deal... it's not that us cripples find it offensive, it's just annoying as all hell when people say it insincerely or when they say something like "OMG you're disabled but you drive to work every day, you're such an inspiration". It kinda feels like we're being called inspirational solely because we're disabled. It's like saying "OMG you were a Jew in the 1940's in Europe, you're such an inspiration". It feels like an empty, meaningless statement... especially if you hear it over and over and over and over. That being said, if the cripple actually did something worth the compliment, it is seen as a such. People have said called me inspirational because of this blog and I don't see that as an insult at all... I'm actually doing something (blogging) and I'm relating it to my disability so the two things are related. BTW, thanks to all my "Crippled Comrades" who have had said those things about me... sorry if recent posts have made it seem like I didn't appreciate that.

So in MRI news... BOTH OF MY MRI'S HAVE FINALLY BEEN APPROVED!!! Now on to the next mini-battle, finding a hospital that can do them! Recently a shiny new hospital was built near Crippie so naturally we thought they would be able to handle my MRI but apparently they only do knee and back stuff. I'm still really confused about their inability to do my MRI... I thought all I had to do was sit in the damn machine. Oh well, we found another hospital that I can get the MRI done at, we just need to have the address changed with all the insurance stuff. Me thinks that this issue will be solved tomorrow (later today, whatever). Once that issue is settled it looks like I'll be able to schedule my MRI for Friday. If that's the case expect a lot of Rebecca Black parodies.

Crippie watched the final episode of House today. I must say, it was hard to watch one of my favorite TV characters go. I'm soooooooooooo glad that they ended on a high note instead of killing people just for the sake of killing people. What do y'all think? Crippie now eagerly awaits for a new show that focuses on someone with a disability *HINT HINT PRODUCERS*

Crippie's Tippie - If you're gonna call a cripple an inspiration, have an actual inspiring reason to do so

Monday, May 21, 2012

Normals Say The Darndest Things!

Sup Y'all?

The Mama Pig Update - Mama Pig was stable today to I opted to just let her rest for the night.

Crippie's been sharing that video I posted yesterday to several of my crippled buddies... we are all in agreement that it is 110% true and equally hilarious. We've also been telling one another "OMG YOU'RE SO BRAVE" or "YOU'RE SUCH AN INSPIRATION"... it's now an inside joke. 

Ah Normals, can't live with 'em... can't live without 'em ;) Seriously y'all there were a few normals that were really pissing Crippie off today. They didn't do or say anything to me personally thankfully... but here's what happened... Crippie was browsing facebook when all of the sudden she sees a status along the lines of "having foot surgery tomorrow... I can't wait to do all those fun summer things like running and hiking... oh wait". That status kinda ticked Crippie off. I wanted to write "WELCOME TO MY WORLD BITCHEZZZ" but alas... I don't think it would have been appropriate. Well, now Crippie is kinda peeved and looking at facebook, I then see a link to an acquaintance's blog. Said normal has recently injured her ankle and will be needing surgery to fix it. I figured I'd read the blog to check up on how the normal is doing... I really regret doing that. The normal was blogging about how hard her life is with her broken ankle and how she can't do anything, how she wanted to die because a boy decided to flirt with an "able bodied" person over her", just an over all pity party. You would think that Crippie would be all like "OMG I'm so glad you've seen the error of your normal ways, you know what it's like to lose something!" but no... this whole thing got me really, really, really angry... ready for a Crippie Rant people... Crippie's doing a stream of conscious rant... brace yourselves

Alright normals, you want a pity party? Do you really expect me to feel bad for you? Guess what... I don't. I don't care about your trivial TEMPORARY problems. You broke your ankle? That sucks but guess what, you'll recover. How dare you have the audacity to complain about how hard your life is because you broke a god damned bone! You are not disabled, you have no idea how it really effects our lives. Don't you dare compare having a minor, temporary problem to being disabled. Crippie isn't being a complete asshole here... I know what the person will have to go through, she'll need surgery to fix the bones and she'll probs need some pins put in to set the bones... BIG FRIGGIN DEAL. Crippie has hardware in her ankle... IT'S NOT THAT BAD. My recovery from ankle surgery was relatively doable. Not to mention I was a whole freakin' decade younger than this normal when I had my ankle surgery. This is gonna sound horrible but when Crippie hears a normal complaining about something stupid I feel happy that they are suffering. If something so trivial makes you that upset you deserve to suffer. If these normals were in my shoes they'd be beyond miserable. I honestly think that some of these people would kill themselves if they were placed in my shoes. 
I think it's safe to say that hearing normals complain about something that I regularly go through like it's the end of their God damned world makes me really upset. It sucks that they are going through a temporary rough patch, but it's not the end of the world, and they will recover STOP BITCHING ABOUT IT. This whole thing really makes me livid... I dunno maybe it's because I am jealous of their ability to recover and go back to being a normal. I can recover from a surgery but at the end of the day I'm still crippled. I don't complain because I know there are people far less fortunate than I am, and I know that I am lucky for the things I do have. I could do entire posts about how my life is so hard and how much pain I'm in but I don't. I'll mention that I'm in pain but I don't whine about it. There is a difference between stating the facts and trying to evoke pity. Crippie doesn't want a pity party. Hearing people say "OMG I'm so sorry for you" makes me feel worse! 
I don't believe in pity partying unless it's something realllllllyyyyyyyyyy bad. Your kid has cancer? Okay, that is absolutely horrible so I'll join that party. Someone died? I'll join your pity party. If it's something serious, by all means... let it out. If it's not really bad, shut up.
It might seem like Crippie is really bitter about this, and that's because I am. These normals are so terribly lucky to be normals, seeing them squander things that I never got the chance to have hurts. It hurts a lot. So please normals, step outside of your boxes for a second and realize how much you have, sure those little glitches in life are rather inconvenient, but guess what... THAT'S LIFE. Life is full of ups and downs, you just have to recognize that those glitches are part of life. Deal with them and move on.

*Sigh* Sorry if that made no damn sense or offended anyone. Believe it or not Crippie actually calmed herself down before writing this. Crippie was absolutely livid, and it takes a LOT to get Crippie really angry. Normally I can rationalize situations and my general delays usually help me stay calm... but not this time. Crippie is well aware that these were not personal attacks, but I take them personally nonetheless. And yes, Crippie also sees the irony of complaining about other people complaining and I might feel weird about this post later... but for now I'm still angry and I don't care.

Crippie's Tippie - Follow the 10-80-10 rule... 10% of your life is completely awesome moments (getting married, etc), 10% of your life will suck beyond all reason (something dies), the rest is in the middle... it's up to you whether or not you want your life awesome or not. I choose to let my life be awesome... I save my sadness for when I need it.

Sunday, May 20, 2012



The Mama Pig Update - Mama Pig seems to be stabilizing. She hasn't had any issues for the past two days, which is good. If problems arise again, Crippie read somewhere that certain probiotics and motility aids for babies might help her tummy get back to normal. Crippie will continue monitoring her for a few days to see if that will be necessary.

Crippie hopes all her readers had a fabulous Saturday. Crippie's day was rather lovely. I had a pleasant day a work and I got to go into town to obtain some nummy burritos for dinner. While in town Crippie, her mom, and sister dropped by the new super awesome book store again. The book store is really awesome because they sell books by local authors... including Crippie's Grandma! Yup, Crippie's grandma is a published author! She's written two books recently and Crippie designed each of them :D
The first book is a memoir dealing with the first 56 years of her marriage and then the last few months while my grandpa was dying of cancer.
The second book is about all her quirky new friends that she met because of a random coincidence. It's a real life Ya-Ya sisterhood!
You should totally stop by the "Ye Olde Warwick Book Shoppe" and pick up a copy. If you live no where near me you can buy a copy on

Boy howdy I do love seeing my work on the shelves :D This happiness totally trumped the sciatica flare up I was having today. My hip was really bothering me today. It seemed like the only thing I could do to make it "better" was to sleep it off. Which I guess is good because at least I was unconscious, but in hindsight taking a nap at 8pm and waking up at midnight was probably not the brightest idea. On the bright side, I was browsing Tumblr in an effort to get tired again, when I found this gem of a video. I know "S--- People Say to People With ________" videos ran their course a while ago... but I'd never seen this video before and it's full of truth. So... enjoy!
Crippie's Tippie - Normals, if you say stuff like that to a cripple, we will post a video on YouTube about it and humiliate you. 

Friday, May 18, 2012

Crippie And Crack Squirrel


The Mama Pig Update - Mama Pig gave me a little scare tonight. I was planning on just monitoring her but I kept hearing grumbles from her tummy. She was getting very nudge-y and fidget-y. Not to mention she wasn't pooping. All these things added up means that she had a gas bubble and was very uncomfortable. Crippie used the handy dandy toothbrush, some massages, and I had to force her to tinkle a little but after two hours she passed all her gas (yes, guinea pigs fart) and got back to pooping like a normal pig. Phew.

Moving on to my totally awesome title. Today Crippie and her Grandma went to pay a visit to the piggies at the shelter. We brought a bunch of carrots for them and the rabbits. But, when we got there we got some very good news... ANDREW AND CHARLIE WERE ADOPTED!!! YAY!!!!! A local family who has adopted pigs before decided to add both Charlie and Andrew to their family! If by some stroke of luck their new parents are reading this I just want to say thank you for adopting these two little boys, they are very smart piggies and I hope you all have a fantastic life together. :D

Regardless of whether or not the boys were there, we still needed to give the bunnies carrots! So we went to the bunny and pig shed (the pigs were in separate cages from the bunnies, they were just held in the same room) to give everyone carrots. So Crippie was giving all the bunnies carrots and I was totally ignoring what I thought were empty cages on one wall, when all of the sudden I hear a noise and WHAM there is freakin' squirrel looking right at me! Much to my surprise there was a squirrel in one of the cages! This squirrel must have been really happy to see me and my grandma cause it was bouncing around the cage like you would not believe. It was almost as if it was saying "HI... I LOVE YOU... DO YOU LOVE ME... I DO TRICKS... LOOK AT ME... HI... HI... HI... HI... I LOVE YOU... LOOK AT ME... NOW I'M UPSIDE DOWN... LOOK AT ME... NOW I'M CLIMBING A WALL... I LOVE YOU... PLEASE LOOK AT MMMMEEEEEEEEEE". Crippie lovingly dubbed the squirrel as "Crack Squirrel" because it acted like it consumed massive amounts of crack. Then we noticed movement from a second "empty cage"... TWO MORE SQUIRRELS! These ones were a lot shyer and not on crack. I named them Bushy and Heidy. Bushy had a lovely tail and Heidy loved to hide. So yeah, Crippie got to play with squirrels today. I have no clue how they came to the shelter, all that matters to me is that I got to play with them. Now for the pics to prove that this did in fact happen!

Crack Squirrel standing still

Bushy being adorable

Crack Squirrel demanding either attention or my grandma's finger

Crack Squirrel wants to play

Heidy, not hiding for a change

Upside down Squirrel (probs Heidy)

Heidy and Bushy showing off

Crippie freakin' loves the local animal shelter, it's like a petting zoo! Since the boys are no longer there I won't have any reason to go for now, but I'll keep my eyes on their website, constantly checking for new piggies to help take care of. Who knows, maybe if the right girl comes along I'll add to my heard ;) If any of my readers are still in the market for a piggie but there don't appear to be any in your shelters check craiglist! Craigslist piggies often come from people who "don't have time" for their pigs anymore, so they need lots of love and treats! 

And if y'all were wondering, I don't think Crack Squirrel, Heidy, and Bushy are up for adoption.

Crippie's Tippie - Squirrels are humorous little buggers, but they would make terrible pets.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Rice Crippies


The Mama Pig Update - We are continuing with the two salads treatment today because of the very positive results of last night. Crippie cannot even begin to describe the looks of joy on their faces when they see their salads. Again, the pigs were very content and had adorable food comas... I swear some of them were smiling! Guinea pigs have teeny tiny bladders, so normally when you have them out for a prolonged period of time they will wee and poop on you. Mama Pig hasn't been doing that for the past couple of weeks. Tonight Crippie wanted to see how well Mama Pig's bladder worked without any massages or flushings of any kind. So, Crippie took a dog bed, put one of those waterproof covers on it, put Mama Pig in it, and just let her be. Mama Pig and I watched one of Crippie's favorite shows "16 and Pregnant" (DON'T JUDGE MEEEEEE) for a good two hours. I do believe Mama Pig is a middle aged woman trapped in a guinea pig's body... she really enjoyed it! She would watch the screen, purr when she heard people fighting, and gazed with wonder at the pretty colors. Thankfully Mama Pig was able to take massive wees and poops ALL BY HERSELF!!! YAY MAMA PIG!!! Crippie is finally starting to feel optimistic about her prognosis. She's made it past the two week point (when we lost Emma) and she is able to pee and poop all by herself!!! Crippie is gonna keep her with the double salads for a few more days until her tummy fully gets back into the swing of things.

Moving on, Crippie was planning on visiting the boys today but I just wasn't feeling up to it. That and I was called in to work early so I didn't have time. I'll go see them on Thursday. But yeah, Crippie had a rough day pain wise. It's all rainy and muggy and boy howdy did I feel it. All my joints felt achy and damn near all of them were popping, snapping, and crackling. I literally sounded like rice crispies. While sounding like a cereal is mildly entertaining I was realllllllyyyyyyyyy uncomfortable. Crippie had to constantly pop my wrist and shoulder at work and my hips and arms made crackling noises when I moved. I kinda wonder if anyone heard me... Do any of my readers make super fun noises and can people hear you?

So yesterday I mentioned that I have a little reaction time issue. Crippie figured now is as good a time as any to discuss it a little more. Crippie has MHE. MHE is a genetic disorder which causes a lack of heparin sulfate to be produced in my body. This causes the bone tumors. Recent studies also show that this heparin sulfate deficiency causes "Autism like symptoms". While Crippie isn't exactly Autistic, I do display some "Autistic Tendencies". This delayed reaction time is one of them. A split second decision takes about 1 or 2 seconds for me. Doesn't seem like much, but it can add up. For example tonight Crippie was opening a new bottle of soda. I know to open the bottle slowly and I was watching the bottle to see if it was gonna overflow. It really started to fizz and my dad yelled "CLOSE THE SODA" about 1.5 seconds later I closed it. The soda didn't spill luckily but it was obvious that it took me a second to process that information. It's rather annoying at times. If someone is trying to tell me something that requires a lot of thought it takes me a few seconds to figure out what the hell they are talking about. Crippie is trying to train herself to process things faster, and I'm getting slightly better at it. Believe it or not, video games seems to be helping me with this. They require you to pay very close attention to something and you need to time things properly.

Also, Crippie was thinking of making a video of general guinea pig tips. Does anyone have any piggie questions they'd like to hear me answer?

Crippie's Tippie - Don't be dissin' "16 and Pregnant" and video games, they actually serve some purposes. 

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Random Crippie Things


The Mama Pig Update - Today we tried the "feed her like she's never been fed before" method. This resulted in several things, 1) Very happy pigs 2) very very happy pigs 3) the cutest food comas I've ever seen in my life 4) a looooooooooooooot of poopies from Mama Pig. She still needed help going so she is still not cured, but I see today as a good step. We are wondering how much peeing and pooping she does on her own, so tomorrow we are gonna let Mama Pig have some "alone time" on the upper level of the cage. Let's hope that she can wee and poop on her own *fingers crossed*

Moving on, Crippie realized she forgot to post a picture of the gingerness! How on Earth could I make such a foolish mistake?!?!?! Well, here ya have it folks, Crippie's new ginger color.
I had to sign sooooooooooooooooooooo many forms for the whole "soul selling" process, but I think the end result was totally worth it!

In other news, it's 3am and Crippie is still awake. So forgive if the rest of this post is weird and not cohesive.

We're still waiting for my damn MRI to be approved. I guess Crippie is gonna have to make some calls tomorrow. Crippie did come up with a somewhat catchy chant if they turn it down again... 1-2-3-4-5 GIVE CRIPPIE HER MRI 6-7-8-9-10 DO NOT MAKE ME ASK AGAIN. I dunno... I like it.

Crippie almost had a panic attack driving home from work today! I was driving home and it was raining, all of the sudden I see that road is completely blocked off and I needed to take a "detour". The detour wasn't properly labeled as a detour and Crippie didn't know that area so natural I started freaking out. I didn't know what to do. Crippie has a bit of a delayed reaction time (possible side effect of MHE) and the thought of turning around and taking an alternate road didn't appear in my head for a good 5 minutes. So Crippie was just driving the detour, swearing like nobody's business and trying to follow the cars. That was the one thing I knew to do, follow the cars. The cars kept going into driveways and staying there, ya know... cause that's where they friggin lived. So after some more swearing I FINALLY had the moment of clarity to turn around in a driveway and take the alternative route home. I then had a mini anxiety attack about finding a good driveway. That was short lived because a really good driveway appeared fairly quickly. Crippie managed to pull herself together and take the damn alternative route. I was still freaking out because this was such a major change in my routine and I was trying to think of what to do if there was another closed road. Luckily Crippie did not encounter any more closed roads and I made it home in one piece... half and hour later than usually but in one piece nonetheless. Crippie is very proud of herself, mainly because I kinda stayed calm and I eventually figured out what had to be done.

Depending on how the weather is tomorrow (later today... whatever) Crippie is planning on visiting Andrew and Charlie. Yup, they're still up for adoption at my local humane society. Crippie is toying with the idea of fostering them one day. I dunno, for now Crippie is gonna continue with the shelter visits and hope that someone will adopt them. ALSO... If you are reading this, are considering adopting them, and are local to me... Crippie will gladly help you get them settled in and give you any "piggie pointers" if you need them. Just message me.

Ah the ramblings of a person who really should be going to sleep, very entertaining.

Crippie's Tippie - Have more than one route for your everyday destinations

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day!


The Mama Pig update - Mama Pig celebrated with some dried bananas, one of her favorite treats! She continues to have problems pooping. Crippie probably needs to increase the amount of food Mama pig consumes in a day. *Gasp* I know, I'm a terribly mommy, giving my pigs two salads a day instead of one. However will they manage!

Moving on, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all my readers who are moms! Crippie's hopes each and every last one of y'all had a fantastic mothers day! Crippie had a wonderful day celebrating with her Mom and Grandma. Crippie's Mom, Dad, Sister, Grandma and I went to a local diner for noms and we obtained KFC for dinner so no one would have to cook at all today!!! Yay us!

Since Mother's Day is all about showing your appreciation for your mom Crippie figured she'd give a shout out to her totally awesome Mom! Crippie's loves her mother very, very much. She's smart, funny, and all around awesome. She's always been supportive of my endeavors and she's always encouraged me to be the best I can be. Whenever Crippie was sick or recovering from a surgery my mom was always there taking care of me. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that must have been for her to go through. Most parents can't stand the thought of their kid crying for an immunization... I can't imagine how much it must've hurt her to see me crying because I had massive nerve damage. Being a parent to a special needs child takes massive amounts of courage and strength in order to get from day to day, and my mom certainly displayed that. She fought the school system to get the accommodations I needed, she would speak to my classes to let people know what was wrong with me. Crippie's mom helps run a friggin support group for people with MHE... that's pretty much "Awesome Cripple Mom Level 9000". Not to mention that I'm not the only cripple in the family. My sister has some mental illnesses and my mom is constantly advocating for her needs. Seriously people, it's harder to advocate for mental illness than physical illnesses.... it takes soooooooooooooo much patience to deal with the bull crap. My mom deals with all this alllll while dealing with fibromyalgia.

In short, my mom has to deal with a lot of crap, but she handles herself with dignity and grace. Crippie definitely tries to model herself after her :D

Love you Mommie! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!! <3

Crippie's Tippie - Don't just appreciate your mother on mother's day... appreciate her on ALL THE DAYS!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

And Let The MRI Drama Begin!


Mama Pig Update - Mama Pig has gotten to the point where the untrained eye would not be able to tell she was sick. She is acting like her old self, very good. She is stilllllll having problems pooping though. We tried massaging her tonight to stimulate her but it wasn't enough to make her go. This issue was solved by giving her a few CC's of water. That definitely helped clean out her tummy a little. Mama Pig also managed to get revenge by shooting urine at me while I was massaging her. A word of advice readers, it doesn't matter if your pig is a boy or a girl... they can and will shoot pee at you, and they have deadly aim. Alas, being peed on comes with the territory, and it means that she doesn't have any problems urinating, so that's good :)

Moving on to cripple business, my insurance company called today to let me know if my MRI was approved. My doctor ordered 2 MRIs, one for my hip and lower spine region and one for my pelvic region. The insurance company approved my hip and lower spine MRI but the declined my pelvic MRI. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! Crippie's doctor is gonna have to call them and say "Hey assholes, the two MRIs are for two different problems" If that doesn't work Crippie is gonna start complaining. How? Social Media baby! Insurance companies don't enjoy seeing their names tarnished on twitter. Seriously y'all... twitter's search filter makes it very easy for companies to see what's being written about them. Crippie thinks a catchy chant is in order. So far I've got "WHAT DO WE WANT... AN MRI... WHEN DO WE WANT IT... WITHEN THE MONTH". I think we can do better... any suggestions readers?

Apart from the frustration with the MRI Crippie actually had a pleasant day. I was supposed to be in work for most of today but the computers were malfunctioning so everyone left. Technology, can't live with it, can't live without it. Crippie was freed from work around 2:30, since I was already out of the house I should do something productive. *MOM STOP READING HERE* I needed to get my mom a mother's day pressie *MOM SERIOUSLY STOP READING THIS* So I drove into town where a new bookstore had just opened. Crippie's mom enjoys reading, and Crippie enjoys looking at book covers (seriously, I'd love to design book covers for a living) so it's pretty safe to say I was morally obliged to visit this new shop. Much to Crippie's delight she found some beautiful vintage books, current art & design books, and "The Walking Dead" graphic novels, and maybe some books that might have been on my mom's wish list ;) In other words, Crippie had a super fun time browsing the bookstore. Here's some pics of the nifty vintage books they had!
Aren't they fantastic! Crippie especially loved the first one *mmmmm art deco". Anywhoo after that lovely venture I went to the drug store to get some general odds and ends, including hair color. Crippie is now a GINGER!!! I'll take some pictures of the color tomorrow in the daylight. But yeah, Crippie really enjoys running errands on her own, I guess it makes me feel independent.

Tomorrow (or today rather... the joys of posting early in the morning) is gonna be a very long day, mainly because I'll have to make up all the work I wasn't able to complete today. Oh well, at least I got to see some really pretty books today.

Crippie's Tippie - Mad at a company? Complain on Twitter or Facebook. If you have photographic proofs that they are being hilariously terrible post it to reddit, who knows, maybe it will go viral! 

Friday, May 11, 2012

Crippie Discusses The Tony Nominations


First things first... the Mama Pig Update. Mama Pig is continuing to recover. She's still having some issues pooping, but she's getting better as the days go on. I've stopped giving her pain medicine at night and she no longer needs ridiculous amounts of fluids to make her go. Tonight we experimented with a "fluid-less flush". This consisted of a nice relaxing massage from Crippie's mom. It calmed her down to a point where she could pee and poop freely, which she did. We're probably gonna try more massages as the days go on. Again, Crippie is still not gonna say that Mama Pig is "cured" because I thought Emma was cured... she was on the mend then she stopped peeing, she was gone 12 hours later.

Other than taking care of the pig Crippie had a very chill day. I had plans to go visit the boys at the shelter but I was just too tired and achy to go. Ever have one of those days where everyone in your house feels like crap, that was my day. The dogs were included in that statement. Helen was sleeping on my bed for a good 6 hours today. The day of rest did me good. Crippie doesn't feel quite as crappy now.

Moving on to Theatre Nerd business. The Tony Award Nominees have been announced! I don't know about you guys, but I love trying to guess winners of awards and events. Crippie almost guessed the winner of the Kentucky Derby this year and I've correctly guessed the winner of the Superbowl for ten years straight! I don't even know a damn thing about sports!!!  Crippie is also rather gifted when it comes to guessing awards that she knows a thing or two about. So without further adieu... I give you Crippie's guesses for the Musical categories. I don't know a damn thing about the plays.

Best musical: “Leap of Faith,” “Newsies,” “Nice Work If You Can Get It,” “Once.”
CRIPPIE'S GUESS - ONCE - While there are no clear "shoe-ins" for the winner, Once got great reviews, has a different sound than most musicals, AND they do Irish music jam sessions before the show and during the intermission. In other words, Once is special. 

Best book of a musical: “Lysistrata Jones,” “Newsies,” “Nice Work If You Can Get It,” “Once.”
CRIPPIE'S GUESS - ONCE - Again, Once is awesome. I've always loved the story.

Best original score (music and/or lyrics) written for the theater: “Bonnie & Clyde,” “Newsies,” “One Man, Two Guvnors,” “Peter and the Starcatcher.”
CRIPPIE'S GUESS - NEWSIES - I'm guessing this because A) There's a special place in Crippie's heart for Alan Menken B) It's the only successful show amongst the nominees C) Crippie hates Bonnie and Clyde with a passion. Seriously if Bonnie and Clyde wins that award there will be a massive Cripple Rant here. 

Best revival of a musical: “Evita,” “Follies,” “The Gershwins’ Porgy and Bess,” “Jesus Christ Superstar.”
CRIPPIE'S GUESS - PORGY AND BESS - How do I put this lightly... this was the only one that got really good reviews. Also, they took out the racism, which is nice.

Best performance by an actor in a leading role in a musical: Danny Burstein, “Follies”; Jeremy Jordan, “Newsies”; Steve Kazee, “Once”; Norm Lewis, “The Gershwins’ Porgy and Bess”; Ron Raines, “Follies.”
CRIPPIE'S GUESS - NORM LEWIS - Porgy and Bess is just a great musical and it demands great actors

Best performance by an actress in a leading role in a musical: Jan Maxwell, “Follies”; Audra McDonald, “The Gershwins’ Porgy and Bess”; Cristin Milioti, “Once”; Kelli O’Hara, “Nice Work If You Can Get It”; Laura Osnes, “Bonnie & Clyde.”
CRIPPIE'S GUESS - AUDRA McDONALD - It's Audra friggin McDonald, she'd get a Tony for this part even if she was sitting in the damn audience. I'd also like to see the chick from Once get this, but I don't think it'll happen.

Best performance by an actor in a featured role in a musical: Phillip Boykin, “The Gershwins’ Porgy and Bess”; Michael Cerveris, “Evita”; David Alan Grier, “The Gershwins’ Porgy and Bess”; Michael McGrath, “Nice Work If You Can Get It”; Josh Young, “Jesus Christ Superstar.”
CRIPPIE'S GUESS - MICHAEL CERVERIS - Why? Because Michael Cerveris kicks ass, that why.

Best performance by an actress in a featured role in a musical: Elizabeth A. Davis, “Once”; Jayne Houdyshell, “Follies”; Judy Kaye, “Nice Work If You Can Get It”; Jessie Mueller, “On a Clear Day You Can See Forever”; Da’Vine Joy Randolph, “Ghost the Musical.”
CRIPPIE'S GUESS - ELIZABETH A. DAVIS - She has one of those special memorable parts that just gets you a Tony.

The Tonys are June 10th and NEIL PATRICK HARRIS is hosting... ommmmggggggg so excited! 

Crippie's Tippie - Unless you want to see Crippie yell at you about theatre, don't tell her that you like "Bonnie and Clyde the Musical" 

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Back To Business


Crippie hopes everyone has been enjoying their week thus far. Mine has been getting increasingly better. Mama Pig is slowly but surely continuing to recover. Crippie is still flushing her out every night but it's becoming so much easier. Since Crippie doesn't have work tomorrow I'll probably be flushing Mama several times tomorrow, hopefully that will get the remaining crap out. 

Since Mama Pig has been feeling better all the piggies have really enjoyed mooching off her illness. She needs extra food and it is impossible to just feed one piggie ;). Also Nellie and Aggie really love Pedialyte and water mixed together, so they get a little bit of "special juice" when Mama gets it. 

Now the Mama Pig seems to be stabilizing Crippie can start blogging about things other than guinea pigs... shocking! In cripple news, I'm still waiting for approval for my MRI. We're gonna call tomorrow and be all like "Ohai, I can haz approval? kthnxbai". Crippie really wants to get the ball rolling with this thing. I want to get this damn MRI done, find out whats going on, and treat it. Crippie feels like this Fanny matter is holding me back. Crippie isn't afraid of this pending MRI at all... I'm not claustrophobic (I rather enjoy small spaces) and I'm not prone to headaches. I'm not afraid of having Fanny removed if need be. At this point, Crippie just wants to nip this thing in the butt (pun intended)

The rain has also been kicking Crippie's ass and furthering her desire to get this damn MRI done. I really don't enjoy saying "the rain is making my arthritis and sciatica act up", definitely doesn't sound like something your average 23 year old would say. Oh well, Crippie is coping with the weather as best as she can. I have a bottle of extra strength tylenol at work and I've been popping several of those bad boys a day. Crippie is also having a flare up in her right hand and index finger. Crippie tries to stretch out her fingers and muscles when this happens, it makes my hand look like a claw but it's oddly comfy. Currently my hand is wrapped up in an ace bandage, again feels surprisingly comfy. 

So that's about it folks. Mama Pig is getting better and I hate changes with barometric pressure. I eagerly await to blog about things other than sick piggies, like the Tony nominations for example! 

Crippie's Tippie - Be cautious if you plan on popping tylenol like candy. Like most pain meds it can do damage to your tummy if you have massive amounts of it. I try not to go over 2,500mg a day, but that's just Crippie.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Piggie Post - Nurse Mode


Crippie swears that she will return to talking about living with disabilities really soon, but for now this is kinda consuming my life. 

As most of you know Mama Pig has been sick for a little over a week now. If you've missed it here's what happened so far.

1st- She started peeing blood, a lot of blood. Either a sign of a UTI or a bladder stone (bladder stones can be very hard to treat and fatal). First we monitored her and tried to flush out whatever was bothering her. 

2nd- She stopped peeing for a while. This event could have been FATAL if left untreated. Thinking this was a sign of a bladder stone I put her in a warm bath and gave her massages with my hands and with the all glorious electric toothbrush. I was eventually able to stabilize her. After this incident we knew she needed to see a vet ASAP. We couldn't get an appointment immediately but Crippie was able to keep Mama stable until she was able to pay a visit to the vet.

3rd- Mama sees the vet. She is prescribed anti-biotics to help with the UTI. We also receive pain medications, motility drugs, and emergency food. 

4th- Mama willingly takes her medicine and shows signs of improvement. She's still a little lethargic at times, but she is recovering from a massive UTI

5th- Mama starts crying in the middle of the night. She cannot poop. This event could have also been FATAL if left untreated. Crippie flushes her out with pedialyte and massages her with a toothbrush for a few hours. Eventually Mama passes some poops and some gas. BTW, gas can be a very serious problem for pigs. She stabilizes and I decide to use some pain medication from the crisis kit.

6th- The following day Mama seemed relatively normal, until she started crying again. She can't poop again and she seems gassy. Again, FATAL if not treated. Continued with the toothbrush and pedialyte method although it is not a successful as the last night. She stabilizes again.

7th- She starts crying during the day. Same possibly FATAL problem. Crippie treats her with the pedialyte and toothbrush but it is not working well. We also try to give her a hot bath. It yields some results, but not enough. We start to suspect she is having a reaction to her antibiotics and we decide to stop giving them to her. We also decide that another visit to the vet is in order.

8th- Mama sees the vet. It's been 24 hours since she's had medicine, so she's feeling slightly better. The whole experience of going to the vet scares the crap out of her... literally. She manages to pee and poop for (and on) the vet. The vet does NOT think Mama Pig has a stone of any kind. She agrees with our treatment of stopping the meds. The vet gives us more pain meds and tells us to make sure Mama Pig eats.

9th- Mama starts to feel better. She remembers that food is delicious and starts eating everything in site. While it is still challenging, Mama is able to pee and poop all by herself. Crippie will help Mama Pig clear out her system over the next couple of days by giving her pain medicine at night and flushing her with a water and pedialyte mix. The toothbrush is not needed for now. In other words Mama Pig has taken a turn in the right direction. 

Yup, for the time being Mama Pig is getting better, but Crippie isn't celebrating just yet. Mama could take another turn for the worse at any time and I can't lull myself into a false sense of security. You've gotta keep an eye out for suspicious behaviors like being all puffed up in a corner, or crying, not wanting treats, etc. 

Mama Pig wants to thank everyone who has been sending purrs and prayers. She says she can feel the ninja vibes penetrating her tummy and making it easier for her to poop :)
A very relaxed Mama Pig after taking some pain meds

Crippie's Tippie - Remember people, Guinea Pigs live for eating, pooping, and peeing. If they are not doing one of those things something is horribly wrong. 

Monday, May 7, 2012

Guinea Pigs = Serious Business

Hi Y'all

Crippie's just popping by to say that posts are probably gonna be very short and sporadic this week. The reason being is that Mama Pig is still very sick. It seems that she manages well enough during the day, but she struggles at night. Crippie has been up taking care of Mama Pig well past 3am for three days straight now. We're gonna try and take her to the vet tomorrow. Mama Pig is one tough cookie and Crippie is gonna do everything in her power to keep her alive.

Crippie's Tippie - Guinea Pigs require a lot of work. Crippie literally spent three hours today pumping Mama with fluids and physically helping her urinate and defecate. This is by no means easy or glamorous, but piggies are completely worth fighting for.

Friday, May 4, 2012

All Hail The Magic Toothbrush


Ohio by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young on Grooveshark
 I hope everyone enjoyed their May 4th. Before I begin my post Crippie wanted to pay tribute to the 4 students killed in the Kent State Massacre 42 years ago. May we never forget Jeffrey, Allison, William, and Sandra and may we never let it happen again.

Crippie's day was certainly interesting to say the least. The weather is changing again and that caused my hip to hurt a lot. I tried to sleep it off once I got home from work, it kinda helped. Crippie spent most of the night chilling cause I was achy. Pretty much a normal "its gon rain" night. Well, at least I thought it was.

I was getting ready for bed, just relaxing when all of the sudden I hear one of the guinea pigs crying. Their cries are very loud and you can tell that something is wrong when you hear it. At first Crippie thought it was Maggie, because she get can a little screamy when she's in heat. I went to check it out and much to my horror it was Mama Pig. Frida and Nellie were sleeping far away from her so they weren't harming her or anything. She was just sitting there crying. This is reaaaaaaaallllllllyyyyyyyyyy bad. It means that it is hurting her to pee and poop.

Crippie had to spring into doctor mode and fix Mama. First I gave her some pedialyte and then I observed her for a few minutes. She tried to wee and poop but she started screaming again. Next step was to get her to empty her bladder. Crippie did this by massaging her tummy with an electric toothbrush. I covered the toothbrush with a ziploc bag for sanitary reasons and I held part of the toothbrush to ease the amount of vibration she would feel. After about 2 minutes of massaging her tummy (with a focus on the bladder) she started defecating. Boy howdy did she ever need to poop. How do I phrase this lightly? Mama Pig probs got a little constipated by the meds. The pedialyte and toothbrush fixed the hard poop problem and once the poop was able to come out maaasssssssiiiiiivvvvveeeeee amounts of crap came out. Sorry if this isn't the most pleasant topic, but this kinda stuff comes with territory of pig ownership. After Mama passed the massive amount of crap she still needed to wee (to prove there is no stone blocking the path). All I can say is all hail the magic toothbrush. After a few more bladder massages she started weeing. Crippie continued the massages for two hours, periodically giving her water or pedialyte. Eventually massive amounts of wee and crap were freed from Mama's tummy. After that ordeal she was pooped (pun intended) so I put her back in the cage. Before I put her back I gave her some pain medicine. Metacam is also an NSAID so it should also help with any inflammation. Poor Mama Pig, as soon as she got into the cage she got comfy and fell asleep.

So yeah, Mama Pig is definitely not out of the woods. I'm gonna keep a super close eye on her for the next few days. If the medicine is making her constipated we'll just have to constantly keep her hydrated and keep giving her pedialyte. I don't think she'll object to that ;)

Crippie's Tippie - Electric toothbrushes can help save piggie's lives... good to know

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Wow, My Hips Suck


Oh my good n' plenty thank you guys so much for your ninja healing vibes! I think they might've worked!
Alright, so here's how Crippie's appointment went... first the nurse who brought me to my room asked me some questions. She must've been new because she asked these questions while the door was still open and she left the x-rays of the last patient on the computer screen. While waiting for my doctor I analyzed the x-rays of the person before me. Crippie thinks their leg had to be broken and straightened with a rod a screws. Then my doctor came in for my check-up. The main focus was my hip. I mentioned that a tumor could be irritating the sciatic nerve. He did an exam which more or less involved poking my ass, it was kinda painful and I'm ticklish so I was giggling most of the time. He also asked how I know it's a tumor pressing on the nerve. The conversation that followed was pretty funny in my opinion...

Doctor - What makes you think a tumor is pressing on that nerve, can you feel a tumor?
Crippie - Most definitely, it's visible on my back
*doctor goes to examine my back and discovers Fanny The Ass Tumor*
Doctor - WHOA... yeaaaaaaaah... let's get you some x-rays

Then Crippie went into the x-ray room. I've had too many x-rays to count, Crippie is kinda upset that I can't glow in the dark yet. Anyway, it's kinda cute to see how the x-ray technician treats me. They always think I'm a n00b and try to be super gentle with me. Go figure this guy sounded super sweet and gentle but I don't think he realized his own strength. He was kinda rough positioning me, you'd think that if someone's x-ray order was for their hips you wouldn't grab the hip to position it. So the x-ray portion was uncomfortable to say the least, but the end results are totally worth the pain for me.

The top x-ray is my new one. The bottom one is the old one for comparison. As you can see Fanny The Ass Tumor has grown quite a bit since my last x-ray. The doctor says I need an MRI to determine is Fanny is irritating my nerve. If that's the case... Fanny's gotta go. On the plus side, that's not a terribly invasive surgery. Shockingly, Crippie has never had an MRI before, so that will be a fun new experience.

As for the whole "I CAN'T SIT" problem, according to the x-ray there are no tumors in that area that would cause a problem. My doctor thinks this issue exists because I am relatively petite, on the skinny side, and I sit down a lot. So apparently my ability to sit has cost me my ability to sit. Damn you irony, damn you. The doctor says a shot of cortisone to the butt could help. The thing is Crippie has an aversion to Cortisone and to having a needle in my ass. Yes, Crippie is well aware that I can tolerate a surgery but not a shot of cortisone in my ass... MOAR IRONY!!! Any suggestions about what to do readers?

Crippie is soooooooooooo glad that her appointment went better than expected. Mama Pig is doing well for the time being. She's getting tired of her medicine, at least she doesn't fight us about it (well, she took a wee on my mom who holding while I fed her). She sends everyone purrs, wheeks, and kisses. She loves attention from people, regardless of where they are.

Crippie's Tippie - The ability to read x-rays comes in realllllllyyyyyyyy handy at times

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I'm Not Afraid


Sooooooooo sorry I wasn't able to post a blog update yesterday... internet crapped out :(

Anyways... Mama Pig's vet appointment was on Tuesday. From my research I made an educated guess that Mama Pig either had a bad UTI or bladder stones. Bladder stones killed Emma. The vet agreed with my educated guess and put her on some anti-biotics in a hope that it is a UTI. They're pina colada flavored and Mama Pig is very happy about that. She seems to be responding positively to the meds thus far but it's really to soon to tell. Crippie will be monitoring Mama for the next 3 weeks. Crippie also requested that the vet provide us with a "crisis kit" in the event that Mama Pig (or any of the pigs for that matter) take a sudden turn for the worst and we are unable to get to a vet. A guinea pig crisis kit consists of the following items...
1) Oxbow Critical Care - If you ever need to force feed your pig... this is what you feed 'em. This can be purchased online as well.
2) Metacam - Pain medicine, sometimes it will help ease the problem enough so the pig will make it through the night... other times it helps your pig cross the bridge without pain. Either way it's a must have.
3) Reglan - It's a motility drug that can help if your pig stops pooping and weeing and/or if your pig develops bloat. Bloat is damn near always lethal. Emma's bladder stones caused an inability to wee which caused bloat. I had some Reglan in the house so I gave her a 16th of a pill and it helped ease the bloat a little... it didn't save her, but I think it helped a little.
4) Pedialyte (you can obtain this yourself) - Its just a good thing for a sick pig to have in general, plus they freakin' love this stuff! I bought a little four pack of it in a "mixed fruit" flavor for the pigs (don't buy one big bottle... buy several little ones because this stuff expires within days of being opened). Anyway... I was giving to Mama Pig in the syringe and while she was happily drinking away all the other pigs had looks on their faces and were practically saying "DO WANT NOW' so Crippie had to gave everyone some. Aggie damn near ripped the syringe out of my hand she loved it that much.
Mama Pig like Pina Coladas & Getting Caught in the Rain

So yeah, that's the story there. Oh, almost forgot to tell you... throughout this whole experience the person most affected (besides Mama) is without a doubt Frida. She looked so concerned whenever we took Mama out of the cage to take of her and she would nuzzle and kiss her as soon as we put her back in. If Mama was sleeping in a tunnel Frida would sleep right beside that tunnel even if that meant that she wasn't hiding somewhere (most pigs like to be hidden when they sleep). It's probably the cutest thing I've seen in a good long while.

Moving on to cripple news, tomorrow is my orthopedist appointment. People ask me if I get nervous about doctor's appointments, especially one's that could deliver bad news. Honestly, I don't get nervous.  When Crippie was younger, you bet your ass I was nervous... I wasn't used to being sick. Now I'm used to this stuff. Crippie's actually looking forward to my appointment. I'm rather curious as to what condition my hips are in now. As soon as I get a copy of my x-ray I will totes post a comparison of the old and new ones. Judging by my recent problems I don't think this visit will bring much of good news, but as long as the bad news can be treated I'm OK. Of course, I hope that I won't need surgery... or least if I need a surgery I hope it's an easy one, not one of those "LOL... LET'S REPLACE YOUR HIP" kinda things. I will definitely keep y'all posted with what the doctor says.

Crippie's Tippie - When going to a doctors appointment of this nature dress accordingly, no metal, tanktop under your shirt, shoes that the doctor can properly gauge your gait in, etc.
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