Screw It, I'm Puttin' Shorts On

Crippie has oodles of things to discuss with y'all!

First and foremost, Crippie hopes everyone is enjoying their Memorial Day weekend. While we are enjoying our time off, let us take a moment to remember everyone who gave their lives for this country. May they rest in peace. 

The Mama Pig Update - Mama is continuing to stabilize. She had two whole days without monitoring! I monitored her for about 2 hours today, she wasn't gassy at all and she was able to poop. She's not completely recovered yet, and I'll probably take her for a drive tomorrow to really get the gears going. Crippie cannot even begin to tell you guys how relieved I am that she is improving. When she first got sick I thought I was gonna lose her. It's been a rough couple of weeks with her, but all the work and worrying seems to have paid off. Crippie really can't say this enough, pigs are hard work. If I hadn't done anything to help Mama she wouldn't be here now. 

Next, it has come to my attention that I am probably offending a bunch of people by calling people without disabilities "Normals". To the readers who are offended... I'm sorry if I am offending you, but I just as I use the word "cripple" I mean no harm. I like to think of it like Harry Potter. There are people who possess magical powers (witches and wizards) and people who do not possess magical powers (muggles). It is easier to say "muggle" versus "people who do have magic powers". Yes, Crippie is well aware that just because a person is not disabled that doesn't mean they are normal and that their lives are full of sunshine are unicorns. I know that there is no such thing as a normal person and that everyone is messed up in some way or another. But for the purposes of this blog, which mainly pertains to disability it makes sense to classify people who have disabilities and people who don't.

I call people without disabilities "Normals" simply because I couldn't find a better word for 'em. Believe me I thought about it. Crippie thought about "Healthy" but that didn't really make sense. "Able-bodied" was also in the maybe pile, but that sounded like I was excluding people with mental illnesses. Someone jokingly said I should call 'em "Bloods" but that would have been reaaaaaaalllllyyyy racist and offensive. If anyone can come up with a better name please let me know. I'd love to see what y'all come up with. 

Moving on, I don't know about you guys, but it was really freakin' hot today. So hot that Crippie needed to wear shorts. Why is that such a big deal? Because my legs aren't exactly my best asset and I don't particularly care for exposing them. Crippie's general approach to clothing would be to highlight the assets and minimize the less awesome parts of you. Anything above the knee tends to make the imperfections in my legs more obvious, so I usually stick to knee length skirts and shorts. I'm  not saying "OMG my legs are sooooooo ugly and deformed I hate them", but everyone has a not so awesome "problem area" and mine is my legs. But the today's heat called for above the knee shorts. So Crippie put on her big girl panties, and then put on her only pair of above the knee shorts. I must say, it felt kinda liberating. Sure, my legs are still not awesome, but I really do not give a crap! Crippie will always notice and focus on the problems with my legs, but most normals don't see anything wrong with 'em... well... except for the giant scar running down my leg, but I think of that as a conversation piece. To prove my point, here's Crippie's leggies... and yes, for Crippie those are really short shorts (modesty is the best policy!)

My conversation piece, it's won several scar wars

My leggies

Left leg, showin' off three of my surgical sites. 

I thought I had mosquito bites on my leg, turns out they are tumors on my ankle, SWEET! 

See, even though I see a lotta things wrong with my legs I can recognize that they're not terrible. Who knows, maybe I'll wear a skirt without tights to work this week! SCANDALOUS! 

Random, I finally saw "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo". Crippie loved it, especially the opening graphics, sooooooooooo shnazzzzzzy.

Crippie's Tippie - Chances are your body doesn't suck as much as you think it does

Pain Wars!

Sup Everybody!



I hope all of my readers had a terrific Tuesday. Crippie's day went rather well, I had work and I took care of the pets... nothin' special. Let's move on to Crippie's Jew song of the day shall we. Today's song has absolutely nothing to do with Passover, but it's one of Crippie's favorite Jew songs. I love "Tzena, Tzena, Tzena" because a) the chorus is super easy to memorize b) Pete Seeger... nuff said.

Continuing on to actual cripple related stuff, Crippie had a very interesting conversation with her co-workers a few days ago. I'm not sure how it happened but somehow or another we got into a "Pain War" where everyone described the most pain that they've ever been in and we then decided who's was worst. Crippie's coworkers where telling tales of scratching their corneas and sinus surgery. Generally speaking I love winning competitions like this. It might seem weird, but if I'm gonna suffer I better win a damn contest for it. Crippie could've easily won this competition by saying "NERVE DAMAGE IN MY LEG. A YEAR'S WORTH OF PAIN. I WIN" but I didn't. Crippie lied and said that getting a tattoo on my ribcage was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. Why? Well, no one at work knows why I'm a cripple, and if I said that I'd kinda have to tell them why. Also my coworker's pains were very much temporary, and thus there is no real pity there. If Crippie said "oh yeah, I had nerve damage when I was ten. It was the worst pain I'll ever experience in my life and it lasted for about a year, although it still hurts from time to time" I'd probably depress the living hell out of my coworkers. Regardless of how I sugarcoat that story, my coworkers would feel sorry for me, and that simply will no do. The main reason Crippie lied was because my manager was competing in this competition... and you ALWAYS let your superiors win!

So what do you guys think? Was Crippie over-analyzing the situation? Was I right in thinking it's probably not a good idea to bring up traumatic childhood situations at work? If you were having a Pain Off at your office what would you say?

Crippie's Tippie - LET YOUR BOSS WIN EVERYTHING 

Remembering Pointy- One Year Later

Hey Y'all!

Crippie was just looking at her calendar when she noticed that today marks the 1 year anniversary of her 10th surgery. It might not seem like something blog post worthy, but this means that I haven't had any serious medical issues for an entire year *knocks on several pieces of wood*! YAY CRIPPIE!!!
I remember it like it was yesterday *insert dream sequence music*. My really awesome display tumor Pointy had grown to a point where he could lacerate something and or break through my skin. So Crippie opted to spend her last week of her last Christmas break having the bastard removed and recovering from the surgery. I knew this particular surgery was going to be relatively easy compared to some of the other surgeries I've had in the past so I wasn't terribly worried. It wasn't until the night before surgery that the nerves kicked in. Since Crippie is verrrryyyyy familiar with having surgeries I know what's coming, the whole waking up from surgery thing, the whole "my heart beat gets really irregular after surgery" thing, etc. When the nerves and everything do set in I have a tendency to start violently shaking, picture having the chills times 10. So I spent the night before on my living room couch, watching movies, and violently shaking.
Crippie lives about an hour and half away from the hospital and my surgery was scheduled pretty early in the day, so we had to leave the house around 4:30 in the morning. Once I got to the hospital itself the shaking only got worse, eventually some heating blankets made it go away. Thankfully Crippie's nurses were super nice. I mentioned how much I hate having IVs put in and the nurse was like "Oh... if we put a hot compress on your hand for five minutes before I put the needle in it won't hurt as much", and go figure it really didn't hurt... OTHER NURSES FOR MY OTHER 9 OPERATIONS... Y U NO DO THAT!
Crippie is also known to very nauseous before surgery, we talked to my doctor beforehand and he prescribed a patch to put behind my ear which surprisingly stopped most of my nauseousness. I still threw up before the surgery anyway, but the patch helped. After Crippie was done vomiting the doctors gave me some "happy" meds and boy howdy did they do the trick.
Next thing I knew Pointy had been removed and I was waiting in recovery. I was literally in no pain, quite the welcome change. Crippie spent the next few hours napping, waking up from a nap, nap again, wake up, nap, etc. Before I knew it I was discharged and on my way home!

My recovery went really smoothly. I was hardly in any pain, probably a 3 or 4 on the pain scale. A week later I returned to school and everything went back to normal. All I have left of Pointy is my dandy Tampon scar, which still totally looks like a tampon.
*Raises a glass* Here's to you Pointy, you were a great little tumor and I'll never forget you. Tell your tumor brothers and sisters to NOT cause me any problems!

CRIPPIE'S SURGERY TIPPIE - Have the following things in the car for your ride to and from the hospital... blanket, pillows, and a trashcan with several trashbags.

NHBPM- Crippie Highlights!

Ohai Everybody!

Angel says thank you for any birthday well wishes and a special thank you for any well wishes that actually involved food. Moving on to tonight's blog prompt, its pretty easy so I won't ignore it ;). The topic today is... “Best of” post. Grab a post from your archives and repost it! Add a few sentences at the beginning to frame it. Why you chose it. Why you liked it. And why it should be shared again. 
Alrighty, I'm gonna base my "best of" post by the amount of views/comments/feedback/etc. I've gotten from it.

1st Awesome Crippie Post - THE SCAR WARS POST. I guess people like hearing me talk about tampon shaped scars.

2nd Awesome Crippie Post - THE IT'S GON RAIN POST. It's awesome for several reasons... OLLIE WILLIAMS, RAIN, PEOPLE LIKE IT

3rd Awesome Crippie Post - THE CRIPPIE LISTS THE PROS AND CONS OF BEING A CRIPPLE POST - People like finding pros to being a cripple I reckon.

So there ya go, 3 of Crippie's most popular posts. Enjoy 'em all over again!

Crippie's Tippie- Google Analytics is a nifty tool to use if you want to track blog stats beyond what blogger has. 

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J 

Cripplefest!!!

Ohai Everybody!

In case you guys are wondering why I usually post at insane hours of the night...
a) I'm still on a college student sleep schedule
b) I think I do my best work at night... at least I like to think that
c) I'm usually in pain during the night and blogging helps distract me.
Choice "c" is the reason tonight. My hip freaking hurts. Apart from the feeling that a lead balloon is expanding in my hip socket (arthritis) me thinks that either a tendon or a ligament has caught somewhere in the hip joint (MHE). In other words, I'm in a lot of discomfort and pain right now. The pain meds I take should kick in soon, but in the meantime... OUCHIES!

However, I'm not going to let a little problem like acute pain get in the way of the awesome weekend I had. This weekend was CRIPPLEFEST, the day where me and some of my fellow cripple that have MHE get to hang out. While Cripplefest was small this year, only 4 cripples, we had a wide array of people. Even though we varied in ages from mid 50s to 10 years old and have only been in the same room with one another for maybe a few hours, we feel like family. My cripples and I had a dandy time competing in scar wars (I won), surgery wars (I won), asshole doctor awards (didn't win), and impressive tumor awards (didn't win... RIP Pointy). One of the other cripples and I had a dandy time discussing our hatred for high-heeled shoes (they royally hurt our ankles) and how flats need to be prettier. It really is fun to be able to talk with people who are in the same boat that you are. Cripplefest is probably the only day a year when I truly feel "normal".

A group of Crippie's Tippie's for fellow Crippies- If your doctor doesn't know about your disability... find another doctor. If your doctor knows about your disability but continues to screw up... find another doctor. If your doctor doesn't listen to you... say it with me everyone FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR!

Crippie Cannot Come Up With An Innovative Title

Hello,

OH NOES, I'VE LOST MY SARCASM AND WIT, HOW WILL I GO ONNNNNNNN!

Before I begin my post I want to send my well wishes to the people of Norway. I cannot imagine the heartbreak those families are going through. Some of my best cripple buddies live in Norway and I am so thankful that they are unharmed.

Alas, I don't have any cripple related questions to answer today, but I will tell you about my day and the next couple of days ahead. It is gonna be oddly busy after all.

I went to my pain management doctor today. I'm still good with my pain meds, but I have to cut down on my arthritis medicine by half, otherwise it might cause an ulcer one day... uh oh. If I do get an ulcer I won't be able to take this medication ever again... double uh oh. So like I said here, pain medications and medication in general are not something to be taken lightly. It is a serious matter and it could have very dangerous consequences. Worst case scenario, I overdose and die, see... very serious consequences.

Even though I occasionally get bad news at doctor's visits, apparently I'm quite a hoot while I'm there. Here's what I did today...
1) Wrote a song for "Soylent Green: The Musical!" to the tune of Edelweiss.
2) Told a nurse that I only go to the Target pharmacy because they have pretty bottles (which is true).
3) Got my doctor to give out my business cards to her patients (I love my doctor).

While it was a very entertaining doctors visit, the visit itself along with the trip to Target to get my meds refilled rendered me useless for the day. It's also raining here so that didn't help.

Tomorrow is my intake appointment for job placement help. I'm not exactly nervous about the meeting, more curious if anything. I just don't know what to expect. I have my resume, portfolio, business cards, samples of work to bring with me so I think I'm prepared for everything. I'll definitely update the blog tomorrow to let y'all know what the intake is like.

Saturday is gonna be awesome, it's CRIPPLEFEST! Cripplefest is a small gathering that has been occurring at my house since I was 12 where people with my disability come over and hang out for the day. We eat, have scar wars, have tumor wars, epic cane battles, and in general make a bunch of cripple related jokes. Cripplefest is one of the highlights of my year, I love not being the only cripple in a room and I REALLY love being in a place where crippies are not the minority. It's super fun!

So in conclusion to this really hodge-podged post... um.... yeaaaahhh... I got nothing

Crippie's Tippie- Make sure you like your doctors, if you think your doctor is a dick you're less likely to do what they tell you to do.

SCAR WAR!

Yo!

First off, gotta get this out of the way.... w0000t we got bin Laden! Now we return to finding the other hide and seek champion of the world, Carmen Sandiego. Where the hell has she been?

Now on to other business. I've had 10 operations over the past 12 years. My scars have the tendency to heal sorta weird. I usually heal keloid (big, red, puffy scars). That's my leg when I was around 12. Luckily those scars have faded considerably since.

I had surgery on my wrist in January, so naturally I was curious as to how I was going to heal. I really didn't want a giant scar on my wrist. Recently the scar has healed enough so I can get a glance as to what I'm gonna be dealing with for the next few years until it fades. Alas, it kinda keloided. In a shocking twist of hilarity, I noticed yesterday that my new scar is shaped like a tampon. I consider this a good thing. I'M A REAL LIFE HARRY POTTER! Now, if my scar hurts whenever my monthly visitor draws near that would be awesome.

Now, what do I do with a scar that looks like a tampon? I do what any person with a kick-ass scar would do... SCAR WARS. Scar Wars are competitions where people decide who's scar is more awesome. Things like size, color, and shape are usually deciding factors. I've been participating in scar wars with my fellow cripples for years. I usually win these competitions. I've only been beaten by one other cripple, but her scars really are impressive.

The moral of this story? Don't freak out when you realize that you have a scar shaped like a tampon on your body and that it will probably be there for the rest of your life. Instead, celebrate it. It is a fun little quirk that will provide many an interesting story later on. I am proud of all my scars, they are like tattoos, only with better stories.

Crippie's Tippie- If you don't like showing your scars, I hear vitamin E does wonders for the healing process. Some people also say that "mederma" stuff works like a charm.