Blllaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhhh

Bleeeeehhhhhhhhhhh

Ello everyone, I hope y'all are enjoying your weeks thus far. Mine's been pretty good except for one thing... THIS FREAKING WEATHER! The snow, the ice, the rain, the barometric pressure changes... my tumor-riddled body pretty much hates me now. I've been hanging out with my best buddies Glenn the Heat Pack and other awesome friend PAIN KILLERS. They've been making everything tolerable, but I'm pretty uncomfortable right now. The past few days have basically been like this for me...

Yuuuuupppppp, one of those weeks. I've been trying to distract myself from all the discomfort. Wanna see what I've been up to? Well, when I'm not at work I am either...

Playing with animals, cause they're cute and all that jazz. Maggie wants you all to know that she is adorable. Helen wanted to tell you all something, but she forgot what it was and promptly fell asleep.

I painted my nails an obscene number of times. This one here was 7 coats of polish and I removed it the next day. I also reorganized my nail polish container. During this process I might have sorta admitted to being addicted to nail polish, meh... oh well ;)

Lastly, I've been taking stupid/borderline horrifying pictures of myself with the "Walking Dead: Dead Yourself App". Let's face it, if there's one thing to truly brighten my spirits, it's the fact that "The Walking Dead" returns in less than two weeks! W0000t. I also recently noticed that on top me naming my heat pack Glenn, my guinea pig is named Maggie, and my car is named Penny... I've been naming things after Walking Dead characters even before the show aired! I also have relatives named Carl and Andrea.... GASP... I NEED TO FIND MORE THINGS TO NAME AFTER TWD CHARACTERS! I think I might have to start calling Helen T-Dog from now on 0.0 

And on a completely unrelated note, I found a tube of scar treatment lotion in my bathroom, so I'm trying it out to see if it does anything. 

Well, that's it for tonight folks. I hope the weather isn't kicking y'alls asses too.

Crippie's Tippie - Random, but if you're using glitter nail polish, use Elmer's Glue as a basecoat, that way it will all peel off

Sure, You'll Listen to Obama but Not to Me!

Salutations!

I hope everyone enjoyed their Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I spent my day working and popping tylenols for a freakishly sore back. I did get to go into work late-ish today so I got to watch the inauguration today. I don't know about you guys but I enjoyed what I saw, and I wasn't the only one in my house who agreed. Angel was "watching" with the family, and by watching I mean sleeping on the couch. Someone on the TV said "All rise" and the next thing we know Angel is sitting at full attention, watching the TV. If that isn't funny enough when the person said "You may be seated" she went back to sleep! I don't get it, she hardly listens to us! But I guess she's a democrat.

Believe it or not she is not the only political pet in our household. Even though Helen slept through today's festivities, she made her opinions known during the election. Whenever I'd watch a debate with her she'd start growling whenever Obama spoke! She'd be perfectly fine with Romney but as soon as Obama started talking she'd make her opinions known that she did NOT like him. At all! So yeah, one of my dogs is a democrat and the other is a republican. My guess is that when they are not busy sleeping or eating they are discussing whatever current events they heard when they were awake.

The piggies don't particularly care about politics, and they probably won't unless someone proposes a ban on lettuce. If that ever happens... ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE!

In other news, the scar from Fanny's removal has officially keloided. No longer is it a scar that's kinda puffy for the time being but will flatten out in a year or two... nope... mofo is a keloid. Since this scar is on a sensitive area that moves around a lot, it gets rather painful from time to time. It's not as painful as Fanny was so I don't mind the trade off... but still... the bastard hurts. I'm trying to put lotion on it but me thinks I might need to invest in a scar cream to help soften this sucker. Any suggestions in good scar creams? Would a stretch mark lotion be better? Help me comrades! WHAT SHOULD I DO!

In other, other news, I've been rejected for disability AGAIN. This time we sent an ass ton of papers and medical records, and my doctor needs to fill out some forms stating that I am in fact, a cripple. Ugh, I hate to say it but if I get rejected again I'm not gonna bother fighting it. For the amount of money I'd be getting, it's not worth putting in any more effort.

That's it for tonight folks, y'all have a good tomorrow. STAY WARM!

Crippie's Tippie - Dogs are smarter than they look sometimes

Staples: That Was Easy

Oh Hello!

It's kinda amazing how well that slogan summarizes my day. My post-op appointment was today and I finally got those damn staples removed!

I'll admit I was slightly nervous about having the staples taken out, purely because I didn't know what to expect. Was I going to be attacked with a scary looking staple remover? How much was it gonna hurt? All those fun feelings. I had a general idea that today was gonna be on the painful side so I took some stronger pain killers before I left for the doctor. It actually wasn't too bad. The only thing that hurt was when my doctor took off the bandage. Picture removing a giant waterproof bandaid from your lower back to you bum... OUCHIES! Once the bandage was removed I got the chance to see my scar before the staples being removed. My first thought was "HOLY MOLY THAT'S A LOT OF STAPLES". 17 staples to be exact, on my ass. Then the doctor approached me with some creepy looking pliers and I braced myself for the worst. I totally watched him remove the staples, because I walk on the wild side. Much to my shock, it totally didn't hurt. Some of 'em stung a teensy bit, but that's nothing. Before I knew it, the 17 staples were gone and I got to take a real gander and my fancy new scar. It kinda looks like an idiot tried to steal my kidney but was off by several inches. The scar itself looked like it was about 5 inches long, vertical with a slight curve. Part of me thinks its gonna heal keloid but it's waaaaaaaaay to early to tell. I'm kinda tempted to get a flower tattoo using the scar as the stem. Admit, it would be awesomeeeeeeee. Just to freak some of y'all out... here's a picture of some of the staples.

I also gave my doctor the picture of Fanny with the google-y eyes. He got a kick out of it. It's a shame that most people don't draw faces on objects removed from their bodies, a cryin' shame.

I'm feelin' pretty good right now, I was FINALLY able to take a shower and FINALLY get rid of that leftover iodine. My scar feels kinda weird though... it's at that point where when it comes into contact with anything it's like "BAD TOUCH... oh wait... it's my skirt... never mind". Now I feel like I'm almost completely recovered. All I need is a few days to let my scar really heal, and I'm good to go!

Tomorrow is gonna be a super exciting day for Crippie, I'm hosting my Scentsy Open House Fundraiser. If any of my local readers wanna stop by, just message me for details! Maybe I'll see some of you guys there!

Crippie's Tippie - Check out my Scentsy Fundraiser y'all! 

Haikus For The Handicapped

Happy Passover Everybody!!!!!!!

Crippie is going to follow a blog prompt tonight, but first I must get into my "Jew-ie" mode because tonight is the beginning of Passover. Even though Crippie and her family don't really observe Passover (we had pizza for dinner tonight and I will be working tomorrow) we still celebrate it by having a Seder with the family. This year's Seder is gonna be held at my house tomorrow with a buncha rambunctious Jews! In other words, tomorrow is gonna super exciting and tiring. Crippie might even consume a little bit of alcohol, so do forgive if I don't write a post tomorrow.
One way I'm gonna celebrate this year is by posting one awesome Passover related song per night. Tonight's song is the classic "Dayenu". It tells of the story of the Exodus from Egypt. I also find it very catchy. You can find the lyrics HERE.
Moving away from the Jew-ie goodness tonights HAWMC prompt looks fun. Health haiku. Write a haiku about your health focus. 5 syllables/7 syllables/5 syllables. Write as many as you like. Crippie hasn't written any good haikus since the fourth grade... here goes nothin'

Oh how I love thee

Handicap Parking Permit

Gets all the good spots

Tumor on my hip

You cause me much discomfort

Please go away now

The keloid rises

As big and red as the sun

Freaks out the normals

Watch for the wheelchair

for if you do not see it

it will run you down

The normal watches

The cripple limping along

Dude, we can see you

My cane is bad ass

About all things I am right

I am Dr. House

Heat packs are awesome

The pain leaves as it warms up

Just don't burn yourself

THAT WAS FUN! Now that I think about it, Crippie's teachers were always impressed with her mad haiku skills.

Crippie's Tippie - Have a happy and healthy Passover and Easter!!!! 

SCAR WAR!

Yo!

First off, gotta get this out of the way.... w0000t we got bin Laden! Now we return to finding the other hide and seek champion of the world, Carmen Sandiego. Where the hell has she been?

Now on to other business. I've had 10 operations over the past 12 years. My scars have the tendency to heal sorta weird. I usually heal keloid (big, red, puffy scars). That's my leg when I was around 12. Luckily those scars have faded considerably since.

I had surgery on my wrist in January, so naturally I was curious as to how I was going to heal. I really didn't want a giant scar on my wrist. Recently the scar has healed enough so I can get a glance as to what I'm gonna be dealing with for the next few years until it fades. Alas, it kinda keloided. In a shocking twist of hilarity, I noticed yesterday that my new scar is shaped like a tampon. I consider this a good thing. I'M A REAL LIFE HARRY POTTER! Now, if my scar hurts whenever my monthly visitor draws near that would be awesome.

Now, what do I do with a scar that looks like a tampon? I do what any person with a kick-ass scar would do... SCAR WARS. Scar Wars are competitions where people decide who's scar is more awesome. Things like size, color, and shape are usually deciding factors. I've been participating in scar wars with my fellow cripples for years. I usually win these competitions. I've only been beaten by one other cripple, but her scars really are impressive.

The moral of this story? Don't freak out when you realize that you have a scar shaped like a tampon on your body and that it will probably be there for the rest of your life. Instead, celebrate it. It is a fun little quirk that will provide many an interesting story later on. I am proud of all my scars, they are like tattoos, only with better stories.

Crippie's Tippie- If you don't like showing your scars, I hear vitamin E does wonders for the healing process. Some people also say that "mederma" stuff works like a charm.