Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween!


Mother Nature has not been kind to me lately, first the earthquake, then Hurricane Irene, and now this stupid snow storm. Apart from being very achy from the changing weather, three of Crippie's trees fell down as well as some giant ass branches. Not cool Mother Nature... not cool.

Anyway, I figured since my achy-ness is keeping me up tonight I would make a list of fun Halloween costumes for cripples.
1- Dr. House- All you need a pair of jeans, blazer, t-shirt, and bitchin' cane. You get bonus points if you keep poppin' candies into your mouth all night and go around telling people "IT'S NOT LUPUS".
2- Joe Swanson (Family Guy)- If you're in a wheelchair this costume is super easy, grey t-shirt and jeans, maybe a cop uniform. You have to scream a lot though.
3- Timmy or Jimmy (South Park)- Depending on your level of crippleness you can go as a cripple from South Park. Only thing with Timmy is that you are morally obliged to say the word "TIMMAY" every time you speak, and Jimmy has to stutter and say "I mean, c'mon" (I'm planning on being Jimmy next year).
4- Handicap Parking Permit- Make a giant handicap parking permit and hang it around your neck... BOOM
5- Roller Skate- If you're in a wheelchair you can just wear a shirt with laces on it
6- Any wizard that uses a magical staff- Wear a robe and pointy hat (unless you're Luscious Malfoy)

I usually do cripple related Halloween costumes, cause let's face it, THEY ARE AWESOME.

The picture to your left would be me 4 Halloweens ago. I went as Dr. House. I entered a costume contest, popped candy vicodins while everyone was voting, and placed third. I was rather pleased.

People have asked me if I thought costumes involving cripples are offensive and I can honestly say no. If it is a cripple using their crippledness to make their costume funnier and more ironic... go cripple. If a normal person is dress up like Timmy I see it as "awe they wanna be cripples too <3". So either way it's a win/win.

Crippie's Tippie- Bonus perk of being a cripple on Halloween, if some punks are trying to annoy you chances are your wheelchair, crutches, cane, whatever will do nicely to scare them off.  

Friday, October 28, 2011

Crippie Remembers Her Auntie


Sorry for the lack of posts, it's been a sad week at Crippie's household. As mentioned in my last post, my aunt was very sick. She finally won her battle of lung cancer and passed away early Saturday morning. Naturally I am very sad but I'm doing my best to look on the "bright side" of this whole situation, which is that she is no longer suffering (btw... if any of my readers are smokers and/or are doing something that increases their chances of lung cancer... STOP NOW. Lung cancer is a terrible way to go. I cannot even begin to describe how much pain my aunt was in. I cannot describe how much the cancer destroyed her body. Please, do not be ignorant and think this cannot happen to you, it can happen to anyone. My aunt did not smoke cigarettes and yet it happened to her).

My aunt was an amazing person. She never really complained about anything, and like me, always looked on the bright side. The last time I saw her (which was two weeks ago) she was in very poor shape. We asked how she was doing and she said "Not terrible, I mean I wish I could walk but I'm mentally strong". She never believed in speaking ill about anyone. Regardless of how much a person might have been annoying her they were still "very nice". This is something everyone should try their best do, partly because anything bad they say can come back to bite them in the ass, but mainly because you never know if that horrible statement could be the last thing you say about them. She loved art and music. We both share a love for Simon & Garfunkel, her favorite song was Cecelia. She was a kind, loving, beautiful (even the Rabbi speaking at her funeral said she was hot) person. She will be forever missed and forever loved. Rise & Fly Auntie, love you lots.

The next couple of days and weeks will be difficult, but a quote from Stephen Sondheim's musical "Into The Woods" helps me and gives me comfort...

Crippie's typographic rendition of Sondheim's quote.
Crippie's Tippie- For more information on lung cancer, go to this link.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Crippie Has A Set of Wheels!

Hi Everybody!

I hope everyone has been having a lovely week. My week has been pretty good, mainly because I got my first set of wheels! Well, technically my wheelchair was my first set of wheels but this is the first vehicle I need a license to operate. This is probably one of the biggest steps towards independence I've ever made and let me tell you it feels freakin' awesome. For someone who often has to rely on other people, having the ability to just do what I want to is incredible.
Some people have asked me "Did being a cripple effect your car choice?" My answer: You bet your ass it did. I opted to lease a car so I could get a better car with better gas mileage first of all... so I essentially could pick any car that fit my price range and personal tastes when it comes to cars. Once I picked out cars that I liked in general I had to factor in my crippledness. I had to pick a car that was high enough off the ground that I could get in and out without putting any additional wear and tear on my hip sockets. The pedals needed to be in a place that was comfortable for me to use both of my legs while driving (many of my car choices didn't pass this test). I also needed to be able to use all of the features of the car on my own, a folding seat is nice but if I am too weak to fold it down it's useless. In other words it took a lot of effort and lots of visits to dealerships to narrow my choices. Ultimately I went with a Chevy Cruze. It fit my normal person requirements but it best fit my cripple needs. It's at a nice height (bonus points for the trunk being higher up too), the pedals are well positioned, and it has some bonus cripple perks...
-Chunky steering wheel so I can still get a good hold of the wheel when my arthritis flares up.
-Supportive seats for fewer back problems
-A back-up sensor, since I can't turn my head very well it adds extra security

So without further adieu I give you... Penelope Cruze (10 points to the people who get the name, it took my relatives a good long while to laugh)

I cannot explain how happy I am to have made my first real "grown-up purchase". I missed a lot of milestones in my childhood and teenage years (as a post by a 22 year old discussing their first car ever might indicate) and reaching proper adult milestones like graduating college, getting a job, and buying a car give me hope that I will catch-up. Hell, I reached three major milestones within 6 months... not too shabby right?

Crippie's Tippie- Do lots and lots of research before obtaining a car, I didn't think about the height of the car until I read it in an article. 

Monday, October 17, 2011

Life's Not As Bad As It Seems


I hope all my lovely readers had a lovely weekend. My weekend was pretty good, did some work, played with the pets, and um... oh yeah I GOT A CAR!!! Well, Crippie started the process of obtaining a car, I should actually have the car in a week. I'll post about it as soon as I get those keys in my crippled lil' hands.
So today after starting the whole car process I got to thinking "wow, this time last year I was afraid to drive on my own" once I starting thinking that a whole bunch of "wows". I thought about how it's been over six months since I've had surgery and how *knock on wood* I haven't had any major complications since my last surgery. I thought about how even though there are times when I have been in pain is thankfully manageable. Ultimately I came to the conclusion that my life is going pretty damn well right now. It's funny because for the past few weeks I haven't been feeling like that at all... far from it actually. Sure there are some really craptacular things going on my life now both disability related and not, but that's not what I am focusing on. I am focusing on the strides I have made in the past year, the milestones I have achieved so many things in the past couple of months. I cannot let the bad things shadow the good.
I am also making sure that I take advantage and appreciate the time of "good" health that I am having. I am well aware that this time of good health is only temporary and that sooner or later something will creep up and bite me in the ass, but in the meantime I'm enjoying my health while I have it.

Crippie's Tippie- Heated blankets and throws can be your best friend on an achy day.

PS. One of the reasons I have been sad is that one of my close relatives is very sick, so if my readers could send some healing ninja vibes to Crippie's Auntie I'd greatly appreciate it. 

Thursday, October 13, 2011

New Blog Design!

Hey Y'all!

I reckon that some of you might have noticed that I redesigned the blog. What can I say, I'm a graphic designer, I enjoy redesigning my blog. This time I decided to be "deep" and made a pattern that was a metaphor for the blog itself. It has pills and scars all over it, but they combine with flowers to make an ornate and beautiful pattern. So what do you guys think of the new design? Love it? Really Love it? Hate it? Indifferent?
If any of my totally awesome readers would like a blog design that matches their awesomeness feel free to email me at

Crippie's Tippie- If you're as inspired by patterns as I am, check out this blog

Monday, October 10, 2011

Working With A Disability- Month One


It's 1:45 in the morning and I have absolutely no idea why I'm up right now. I had a very busy day and I didn't have any caffeinated beverages at a terribly late hour, but alas, I'm up. Well, might as well make use of this time and get some bloggin' in.

As some of you may know October is National Disability Employment Awareness Month. I find it unfortunate that we need an awareness month to remind people to hire cripples. Apart from the financial benefits a company can get from hiring a disabled person I feel that cripples bring an extra set of skills to the table when it comes to the workforce.

Take my profession for example, one of the "major downsides" of being a graphic designer is that you have to please the client even though you will probably not be happy with the results. This "less than ideal" situation is very hard for some designers to understand and cope with, resulting in some very unhappy designers and some realllllyyyyyy unhappy clients. Because of my crippledness my entire life is filled with less than ideal situations! Less than perfect situations like a client wanting some God-aweful design don't bother me like they bother other people. Sure, it's annoying as all hell, but it comes with the territory and when all is said and done it's not really a big deal. The absolutely craptacular experiences in my life have given me a better attitude when it comes to working in general.

My crippledness has also contributed to a very strong work ethic. When I was 10 I couldn't walk and I needed a lot of painful physical therapy in order to walk again. At first I resisted and refused to do my exercises because they caused me some of the worst pain I will ever experience in my life. One day my physical therapist and I had this little conversation.

PT- I need you to bend your knee
Crippie (who was in tears from pain)- I can't, it hurts too much
PT- Do you ever want to walk again?
Crippie (still crying)- Yes *snif snif*
PT- Do you want to get better?
Crippie (still crying)- yes
PT- Then suck it up and bend your damn leg!

Harsh words but they needed to be said. From that day on I realized that if I have to do something unpleasant or painful I have to put on my big girl panties and deal with it . My boss was hesitant to mention to me that I would have to work Saturdays and would have to pull some very long nights at times, and she looked oddly surprised when I told her "Sure, no problem".

Cripples can also bring enhanced problem solving skills to the table. Since our entire lives are comprised of finding ways to do everyday tasks we become quicker and sharper to problem at hand. Cause lets face it, once you've figured out the age old problem of "I can't get up but I need to use the bathroom" you can pretty much think of anything.

So how have my cripple-skills helped me with my first month of work? I haven't yelled at any clients for wanting ugly designs, I haven't complained about working late (I enjoy working late actually... more $$$), I found ways to make some harder to please clients happy, and I found ways to keep my illness to a minimum at work. I can safely say that my disability has not had any major negative impacts with my work and no one in the office seems to mind that I am a cripple. Works for me!

Wow, all this blogging has actually gotten me sleepy. In conclusion hiring a cripple can be an extreme advantage for any company. I think this meme that I made sums this post up pretty well...

Crippie's Tippie- Apart from HIRE ALL THE CRIPPLES, Cheerios make a lovely work time snack.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Crippie Shares Some Link-ies


Wow, I just noticed that this blog has over 3,500 views! Holy crap! Thanks guys for supporting me, it really means a lot.

Sorry for the lack of posts this week, fatigue got the better of me. To make up for the lack of posts I figured I would post some websites that I like to go on and videos I like to see when I'm too tired and/or in too much pain to really do anything else.

My Party Dress- My sister (who turned 19 today... YAY) singing at a cabaret

Llamas With Hats- I can quote this video word for word... probably not a good thing


And Some Awesome Links...
Toxel.Com - Toxel is pretty much awesome in blog form - Just when you think cats can't get more evil/adorable, you find ones that kinda look like Hitler. (BTW I'm a Jew and I find this site hilarious, I want a Kitler so bad). - A potentially less offensive version of the site posted above - Looking at photoshop disasters makes me feel like I am the greatest photoshopper of all time! - home of memes and jokes about every day life. I love to find all the cripple related memes, this one has to be one of my favorites...

Crippie's Tippie- Making realllyyyyyyy offensive jokes about your situation can actually make you feel more at ease with it.

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