Its For Me To Know And For You To Never Find Out!

Ohai Y'all! HAPPY AUGUST!

Hope you are all having a lovely week thus far. The weather sucked today so I was in a lot of pain, apart from that I've been having a dandy week. I'm still chillin' with relatives and I'm still a crazy guinea pig lady. The piggies are continuing their adjustment and there appears to be a new power struggle... Lucy somehow got it into her adorable lil' noggin that SHE is the boss! She has been biting butts left and right. Nellie is not pleased with this, but she hasn't attacked Lucy back. She's kinda like "DID SHE JUST BITE ME IN THE ASS? WTF!" Due to this new behavior Lucy has gained the nickname "Lucyfer". We give very loving nicknames in this house. This sudden asshole-ish turn can be chalked up to one thing, Lucy is a baby. Baby guinea pigs are raging assholes. Maggie used to be a raging asshole (when we first met her she was literally using Aggie as a trampoline) but she has since settled down. Frida was a butt for the longest time, and she grew out of most of her butthole tendencies. What do we do about Lucy going through her "terrible twos"? Simple, when we catch her being a butt we give her a gentle flick to the bum, and if she's being a RAGING asshole she goes into time out (you hold them on their backs, a vulnerable position). Sooner or later she'll learn to behave. In the meantime though, it's extraordinarily humorous to watch.

Moving on cripple topics. I'm gonna tell y'all a story about a lil' incident that happened to me a few weeks ago. I'm omitting a crap ton of details, but y'all can get the gist of it. Ok, so here's what happened. I was in a place with a lot of people that I am sorta familiar with, by that I mean I know their names and while I talk with them I know NOTHING about them or their lives. I had an ace bandage around my wrist because it was hurting me, anywhoo... a lady approaches me. The conversation goes as follows...

Lady - Oh no! What's wrong with your wrist?
Crippie - Oh, it's a long story (My general manner is implying that I do not want to talk about it)
Lady - Oh really? 
Crippie - I hurt my wrist
Lady - Oh? (she doesn't leave me alone, she's looking at me, waiting for me tell her what's wrong)
Crippie - Um... carpal tunnel syndrome
Lady - Does that ace bandage help you? (at this point I am getting annoyed)
Crippie - Yeah, it keeps things in place
Lady - I don't like ace bandages... 

She then continued freaking talking to me about ace bandages being constricting. I'm pretty sure that when she left me alone my face was like 0.o . I bet some of my longtime readers are like "Hold up Crippie, haven't you said on numerous occasions that you are comfortable with telling people why you are disabled?" You would be correct. On the whole I'm pretty comfortable with telling people why I am disabled, people are curious and there is nothing you can do about that. But 1 major thing has changed since I said that... I no longer walk with a cane. It was obvious I was sick before so there was no use trying to hide it. Now that I look fairly "normal" and I like for people to consider me as such. These days when people I do not know ask me about something I say "it's a long story" and leave it at that. Most people understand that I am politely saying "none of your damn business" and they respect my wishes. This lady however, either did not understand and or did not care. She does not need to know how sick I am, so I lied and said I had carpal tunnel syndrome. I'm not sure what pissed me off more, the fact that she was trying to pry into my life like that or that even when she got her "answer" she kept asking about my ace bandage. Hypothetically if I did have carpal tunnel... OF COURSE AN ACE BANDAGE HELPS!!! I don't even have it and I know how painful it is. Why do you see people with carpal tunnel wearing wrist braces? BECAUSE IT HELPS RELIEVE THE PAIN! UGH!

Well... that whole experience was irritating to say the least. I wish I could say it was a lone instance, but alas... I had another woman try to wheedle information out of me before. Look, Crippie understands that you lurv yourself some gossip, but it's none of your damn business. Please, respect my wishes when I don't want to talk about it.

Crippie's Tippie - Somebody doesn't wanna tell you something? Don't force them into telling you. Unless your a cop or something, then by all means force away

Cripple Comics!

Greetings!

Oh my word, Crippie is loooovvvvviiiiinnnngggggg this weather. Mid 60's for the win! I hope all my super awesome readers had a lovely day. Crippie had a relatively busy day. I drove with my mom to get gas in my car, since I'm still not totally comfortable with driving to the gas station yet, my mom has been driving and I've been watching her and attempting to memorize the directions and what to do. It's weird, I am well aware of where the gas station is, I've been their countless times throughout my life... yet I do not know how to get there and I would probably have an anxiety attack if I attempted to go alone. Apart from that moment of funness Crippie spent the remainder of the day at work. I also took a little nap after work, around 9pm... so chances are this is gonna be a late night for Crippie. Oh well. 

Moving on the title topic, today one of Crippie's fellow cripple buddies sent her a link to a site called "That Deaf Guy" which has oodles of awesome comics drawn by a deaf guy and his wife. The comics are s'darn adorable that I couldn't help but share some of my favorites with y'all.

 

 

While Crippie is on the topic of cripple comics, I have to recognize one favorite crippled cartoonists, the late John Callahan. John Callahan was a quadriplegic and had a gloriously twisted sense of humor. He created one of my favorite shows of all time "Pelswick" as well as another show "Quads". His cartoons might be considered offensive to some... but Crippie freakin' loves them.

Crippie's Tippie - Humor is one of the greatest coping mechanisms of ALL TIME

Cripple vs. Retard

Yo!

Today I'm gonna answer a question that I've been asked a few times, especially since starting this blog. Clearly I'm very comfortable with using the word 'cripple', but what about the word 'retard'?
This is probably gonna sound really hypocritical, but I do NOT approve of using that word. While both might seem very similar they are actually rather different. The word cripple literally means "disabled", the word retard literally means "slow" or "delayed". The terms start to differentiate here because over the past several years the word retard has come to mean "stupid" and now has a very negative connotation, but the term can still be used to describe a person with a developmental disability. This is why I don't use the word retard, because people with developmental delays are NOT stupid, I will not use a word that implies that.
I hope that's a clear enough explanation. The only other way I could prove my point would be to provide an example. Take the name of this blog for example, if this blog was named "Retard's Room" or "Tard-ie Time" what would think this blog was about? While the word cripple is considered offensive to some people, I do not put it on the same level as retard.

Crippie's Tippie- Don't call people retards, or gay for that matter. In this age of bullying and being cruel to one another how's about we try being nice to one another!

Working With A Disability: Day 3

Hi Everybody!

Today was my third day of work. It went pretty well. I wasn't terribly achy, I guess the whole "not raining" thing helps. It also looks like I am going to be working more days a week, but fewer hours each day, so my chronic fatigue is very happy.
Speaking of chronic fatigue, I've been trying to find ways of coping with it during work. As mentioned in the prior post, I tried noshing on "smarties" which seems to work rather nicely. Naturally if I nosh on smarties several times a day every week I won't have teeth next year. The simple solution to this is obtain a crap load of chewing gum. Chewing gum is actually a highly accepted way of dealing with fatigue, pain, and short attention spans. Today I also experimented with listening to music. Of course this depends on where you work, but all the designers where I work listen to their headphones. As long as I only use one earbud my boss doesn't mind. Listening to music really helped me focus today.
On a totally different note, anyone who has checked out my Tumblr, might have seen this little face...

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the newest addition to my family, Helen. Helen is a three year old Shih Tzu who enjoys snuggles, food, and belly rubs. Helen is also blind (hence the name Helen) so she occasionally rams into a wall. Helen is technically my sister's dog so... I'M AN AUNTIE!

Crippie's Tippie- Don't let chronic fatigue get in the way of what you have to do, simple tricks can help you function pretty normally.

Urbandictionary Lolz

'Ello

A few posts ago I mentioned how the definition of "crippie" on Urbandictionary leaves something to be desired. Upon closer inspection I found out that the word crippie also means "a crippled hippie". My qualms with Urbandictionary are no more.

Here's a list of my favorite Urbandictionary cripple related words and definitions...

Criplomatic Immunity- The status attained by those who are either permanently or temporarily crippled. Since they are going through a terrible period of their lives, they deserve fringe benefits in their daily lives. 

Cripple Cart- A electric wheelchair intended for use by the handicapped, most often seen at supermarkets.

Cripple Fight- a cripple fight is a fight between 2 cripple's is called a cripple fight as used on South Park usually involving the items that help the cripple's live out there lives to some normallity such as a wheelchair or crutches

Cripple Grape- The shriveled up grape found among a bunch of normal grapes.

Cripple Hot- Someone so hot they could cripple you.

Cripple Stick- the blue handicapped parking pass that you hang around your mirror when at walmart.

Cripple Sticks- Crutches. Walking aids such as canes...

Cripple Crapper- Disabled toilets.

Cripple-Copter- Any wheel-chair with aerial capabilities, A flying wheel-chair, When you launch a paraplegic out of a cannon

Crippletastic- A combination of the word cripple and fantastic used to describe great things that cripples do.

Cripster- A crippled hipster. He thinks you'll buy the get-up and grab that sympathy card, but you know those leg braces are just too ironic.

and my personal favorite...

Cripple- A person who has a disability and embraces it, rather than feeling sorry for themselves.

Crippie's Tippie For Those Who Are Offended By This- GET A SENSE OF HUMOR! Seriously, you gotta laugh at the situation sometimes. 

Happiness at the Fortune (and Misfortune) of Others

Oh hai!

I had a very interesting day today. First of all, I SOLD MY FIRST CANE! It's really cute actually, a lady that I met at my school for a few minutes bought one for her mother. Now her mother is gonna be stylin' in a bright purple cane with a rainbow pattern I designed! For all the other crippies out there with "normal" canes, go to my new site "Raising Cane" where I sell canes that actually look good!

Today I also had a rather humorous experience. I was walking to drugstore when I heard some teenagers talking. One of them why trying to sound cool and whilst talking to his friends said something like "MAN SHE WAS CRIPPED UP IN THAT CAR YO". About 3 seconds after he says this I walk by, with my crutch and all and his eyes bug out of his head and he darts his eyes away from me as fast as humanly possible. I found this whole encounter extremely hilarious and I LOL'ed once I was a safe distance away from the newly frightened teenager. Partly because I still have no idea what that kid was talking about, mainly because the kid got caught saying something he knows he shouldn't be saying! I wasn't offended by what he said, but I know people that would be. It's moments like that which fill my heart with joy.

Crippie's Tippie- Be cautious when using potentially offensive words, you never know who can hear you.

IT'S GON' RAIN!

Hello!

As my fellow New Yorkers might have noticed... this past week's weather has been interesting to say the least. We had a few good torrential downpours by me. When normal people hear the words "IT'S GON' RAIN" from any weather person apart from Ollie Williams they generally think time to get out the umbrella ella ella ella eh eh... DAMN RIHANNA. When I hear "IT'S GON' RAIN" I think "IT'S GON' HURT". As mentioned here, one of the reasons I am a crippie is that I have arthritis. My arthritis is on the minor side compared to, let's say an elderly person, but I have it none the less. Changes in barometric pressure and humidity have a profound effect on people with arthritis. Said changes cause our joints to further swell, and thus more pain. Several of this weeks storms literally rendered me useless. I was going to blog about something but I could barely move my hands. Again, keep in mind my arthritis isn't terrible, I can only imagine what people with severe arthritis go though. So what does a crippie do in times of massive weather changes? I recommend the following things...
1) Pain medications
2) Moist heat
3) Rest

On to more pressing issues. Whilst rendered useless I went to www.urbandictionary.com and typed in the word "crippie". Much to my dismay the definition had NOTHING to do with cripples at all, it meant "very good pot". I tried to add my own definition for the word, but alas it was rejected. Loyal readers, join me in revamping Urban Dictionary's definition of the word crippie by submitting your own definition. If possible, try not to make it about drugs or some perverted sex act... it's been done enough.

Crippie's Tippie- Arthritis can be a bitch if not properly treated and managed. If you have arthritis, take care of yourself. Do your exercises, take your medicines, take your vitamins, etc. I recommend Omega 3 fish oils, glucosamine, and chondroitin. 

The Importance of Being Quirky

Oh hai,

I promised good news and good news I shall deliver. A few weeks ago Quirk Classics (they publish books like "Pride, Prejudice,  and Zombies") had a contest for artists to came up with their own book idea and cover. I came up with "The Importance of Being Earnest and a Pirate", and go figure... I'M A RUNNER UP! Check out all of the entries here! Congrats to the winner to the other runners up, Y'ALL ROCK! For good measure, here's my entry.

Now, why I am mentioning this? Apart from the fact that I am uber excited about it, humor has been a way for me to cope with my illness for a very long time. In other words, my disability helped me develop a sense of humor, my sense of humor helped me make a kick-ass entry, and thus my kick ass entry is picked as a runner up! While my crippled-ness causes many problems in my life, the perks make it sooooooooooo much more manageable.

Oh and BTW, if anyone has any legit questions to ask me about being a cripple, post a comment. Chances are I'll answer it.


Crippie's Tippie of the Day- If ya got it... flaunt it.